VOICE OF GLOBAL UMMAH
Volume 171, February 20, 2011
St. Louis, Missouri, USA
Editors: Mohamed & Rashida Ziauddin
In the Name of Allah, the Most Beneficent and Merciful
Volume 171, February 20, 2011
St. Louis, Missouri, USA
Editors: Mohamed & Rashida Ziauddin
In the Name of Allah, the Most Beneficent and Merciful
EDITORIAL:
This issue is Part II of the topic we discussed in previous issue pertaining to the benefits of a heterosexual couple living together as husband and wife rather than boyfriend and girlfriend. We found an excellent article titled "The Foundation of the Building of Marriage" by Br. Mohammad Arif Al-Mujaddidi informative and wanted to share it with you.
islamgreatreligion.wordpress.com
www.islamicbulletin.org
islamgreatreligion.wordpress.comGEMS FROM HOLY QURAN
"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect".
Holy Quran (30:21)
"And Allah has made for you your mates of your own nature, and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you sustenance of the best".
Holy Quran (16:72)
"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect".
Holy Quran (30:21)
"And Allah has made for you your mates of your own nature, and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you sustenance of the best".
Holy Quran (16:72)
www.islamicbulletin.org
www.pulitzer.org"Married life in Islam is an act of worship," said Sheik Reda Shata, who in his work as an imam promotes marriage and blesses newborn babies. (Photo credit: James Estrin/The New York Times)
PART I
The Foundation of the Building of Marriage
January 2, 2011
by MOHAMMAD ARIF AL-MUJADDIDI
by MOHAMMAD ARIF AL-MUJADDIDI
(www.ehidaya.wordpress.com)
People of wisdom state:
Piety and practice of Islam should be the deciding factor in marriage. That is, preferring a pious man or a pious woman is a great blessing for both worldly and otherworldly felicity. If the building of marriage is not based on this foundation with this intention and sincerity, that building is doomed to rot away and collapse.
If a man marries a girl only for her beauty, he will be deprived of her beauty. Likewise, if he marries her only for her wealth, her wealth will plague him. However, if he marries her on account of her good moral qualities and religiosity, he will not only make his worldly life and otherworldly life prosperous but also be happy and fortunate. Both the worldly life and the otherworldly life of a man who gets married to a streetwalker may be ruined. For this reason, religiosity and nobility are looked for in a girl whom a man will espouse.
Nobility means being the daughter of pious parents. Such a girl is noble, of good family. The qualities that should be looked for in a bridegroom are the same, too. He should have Ahl as-Sunnah creed, never miss prayers (salat), have good morals and sincerity. If a woman gets married to a man for his wealth, fame, or status, that is, if she marries him for his worldly goods, she will be in ruins. Accordingly, she must be extra careful about this issue.
The weaker the faith of people becomes, the more they seek what is worldly.
However, worldly possessions and the things they seek, desire, and rely on belong to Allah. He alone is the Owner of all, the Creator, and the Giver. If those who run after worldly advantages could realize only this fact, they would be torn apart from embarrassment. When trust in Allahu ta’ala is perfect, worldly possessions are not sought in the least.
The things of this world do not bring happiness by themselves. According to those with a weak faith, worldly goods provide many benefits. For example, other people say that so and so is well educated, on a high income, and has riches. Okay, but these are things that are here today but gone tomorrow. They cannot take us to eternity.
Just as faith cannot be measured by money, so even health cannot be measured by it. Suppose that one gets married in excellent physical condition but afterwards becomes blind and is left paralyzed. In this case, that money cannot even restore one’s health. Those whose sole purpose is what is worldly worry themselves to death in this situation. If the reason for the preferences of people is the world, that world will devastate them.
But if the reason for them is the next world, they will be happy and fortunate during their lifetime because those with a strong faith are patient, brave, and are not affected greatly by events. Whether they have worldly possessions or not and whether they increase or decrease does not have any effect on them. Their helper in all their affairs is Allahu ta’ala. Others’ negligence and being worn down in the face of events are due to the weakness of their faith.
Worldly things are ephemeral. Moreover, it is not certain what will befall whom a bit later. Hence, let us give our hearts to our Lord and seek His pleasure. In our choice [of a spouse], let there not be any criteria other than the adherence to the religion, faith, good moral qualities, and the next world because the criteria other than these are all temporary, uncertain, and evanescent; they are a trust, which are here today and gone tomorrow. As for faith and good morals, they are real and inexhaustible. A bride and a groom as well as a mother and a father who have this thought in their minds are the ones the soles of whose feet, rather than whose hands, should be kissed.
With data from the Household, Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia Survey (HILDA), the study tracked the history of 2,482 married or cohabiting couples over a period of six years to determine what factors might have contributed to marital “instability.”
If a man marries a girl only for her beauty, he will be deprived of her beauty. Likewise, if he marries her only for her wealth, her wealth will plague him. However, if he marries her on account of her good moral qualities and religiosity, he will not only make his worldly life and otherworldly life prosperous but also be happy and fortunate. Both the worldly life and the otherworldly life of a man who gets married to a streetwalker may be ruined. For this reason, religiosity and nobility are looked for in a girl whom a man will espouse.
Nobility means being the daughter of pious parents. Such a girl is noble, of good family. The qualities that should be looked for in a bridegroom are the same, too. He should have Ahl as-Sunnah creed, never miss prayers (salat), have good morals and sincerity. If a woman gets married to a man for his wealth, fame, or status, that is, if she marries him for his worldly goods, she will be in ruins. Accordingly, she must be extra careful about this issue.
The weaker the faith of people becomes, the more they seek what is worldly.
However, worldly possessions and the things they seek, desire, and rely on belong to Allah. He alone is the Owner of all, the Creator, and the Giver. If those who run after worldly advantages could realize only this fact, they would be torn apart from embarrassment. When trust in Allahu ta’ala is perfect, worldly possessions are not sought in the least.
The things of this world do not bring happiness by themselves. According to those with a weak faith, worldly goods provide many benefits. For example, other people say that so and so is well educated, on a high income, and has riches. Okay, but these are things that are here today but gone tomorrow. They cannot take us to eternity.
Just as faith cannot be measured by money, so even health cannot be measured by it. Suppose that one gets married in excellent physical condition but afterwards becomes blind and is left paralyzed. In this case, that money cannot even restore one’s health. Those whose sole purpose is what is worldly worry themselves to death in this situation. If the reason for the preferences of people is the world, that world will devastate them.
But if the reason for them is the next world, they will be happy and fortunate during their lifetime because those with a strong faith are patient, brave, and are not affected greatly by events. Whether they have worldly possessions or not and whether they increase or decrease does not have any effect on them. Their helper in all their affairs is Allahu ta’ala. Others’ negligence and being worn down in the face of events are due to the weakness of their faith.
Worldly things are ephemeral. Moreover, it is not certain what will befall whom a bit later. Hence, let us give our hearts to our Lord and seek His pleasure. In our choice [of a spouse], let there not be any criteria other than the adherence to the religion, faith, good moral qualities, and the next world because the criteria other than these are all temporary, uncertain, and evanescent; they are a trust, which are here today and gone tomorrow. As for faith and good morals, they are real and inexhaustible. A bride and a groom as well as a mother and a father who have this thought in their minds are the ones the soles of whose feet, rather than whose hands, should be kissed.
PART II
Cohabiting couples far more likely to suffer from partner abuse, statistics show
www.lifesitenews.com
www.lifesitenews.com
Matthew Cullinan Hoffman
Increasing rates of violence between couples in the United States and Europe have been widely attributed to the global recession, but the problem has another dimension that is often ignored: it is far more likely to occur between unmarried, cohabiting couples than married couples.
Spanish statistics, which have been highlighted in recent years by Europe’s Family Policy Institute (FPI), and recently reported by the Spanish Newspaper ABC, indicate that:
"while only 11% of Spanish couples cohabit without marriage, such unions account for 58% of the most violent crimes between couples. For every one protection order issued for a married couple, ten are issued for cohabiting couples".
Spanish statistics, which have been highlighted in recent years by Europe’s Family Policy Institute (FPI), and recently reported by the Spanish Newspaper ABC, indicate that:
"while only 11% of Spanish couples cohabit without marriage, such unions account for 58% of the most violent crimes between couples. For every one protection order issued for a married couple, ten are issued for cohabiting couples".
FPI also reports that, according to Spanish government statistics, “for every homicide that is brought about in a marriage, 12 are produced” in non-married couples. Moreover, the increase in such homicides in recent years is largely explained by cohabitation; homicides have jumped 45% among cohabiting couples, while they have actually fallen 15% among married couples.
Similar results have been found in statistical surveys of the United States and Britain, says Ignacio Socías, blogging for Spain’s El Razón newspaper.
“All of the official statistical studies of the Department of Justice of the USA regarding family violence, show that women who are married, including those who have been separated or divorced, have less than half the possibility of suffering [domestic violence],” Socías writes.
“In the United Kingdom, the official survey ‘The British Crime Survey’ indicates that married women are the ones who have the least risk of suffering domestic violence.
PART III
Cohabitation and Children Outside Marriage Linked to Higher Probability of Breakups: Aussie Study
www.lifesitenews.com
By Hilary White
(condensed version)
By Hilary White
(condensed version)
....The researchers also found that cohabiting, having children before marrying, and an imbalance between partners in the desire for children are all correlated with marital breakup.
“The overwhelming bulk of research on cohabitation and marital instability finds that cohabitation before marriage is linked to a greater probability that the marriage will fail,” said the researchers.
The study, titled “What’s Love Got to do With It?” by researchers from the Australian National University, found that 20% of couples who had children before marriage, either from a previous relationship or the same relationship, were separated compared to just 9% of couples without children born before marriage.
“The overwhelming bulk of research on cohabitation and marital instability finds that cohabitation before marriage is linked to a greater probability that the marriage will fail,” said the researchers.
The study, titled “What’s Love Got to do With It?” by researchers from the Australian National University, found that 20% of couples who had children before marriage, either from a previous relationship or the same relationship, were separated compared to just 9% of couples without children born before marriage.
With data from the Household, Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia Survey (HILDA), the study tracked the history of 2,482 married or cohabiting couples over a period of six years to determine what factors might have contributed to marital “instability.”
PART IV
Living Together Before Marriage Has Disastrous Results Study Finds
www.lifesitenews.com
www.lifesitenews.com
OTTAWA, Ontario
The Ottawa based Vanier Institute of Family reveals that “living together” comes with a heavy cost in a study entitled “Cohabitation and Marriage: How Are They Related?”
The study, published September 17 and authored by Anne-Marie Ambert, compiles results from hundreds of research papers that examined the social, emotional and financial effects of cohabitation and marriage on women, men, children and society.
The study shows that cohabitation by its nature is highly unstable, that it leads to higher divorce rates, and is detrimental to children both psychologically and physically.
The Ottawa based Vanier Institute of Family reveals that “living together” comes with a heavy cost in a study entitled “Cohabitation and Marriage: How Are They Related?”
The study, published September 17 and authored by Anne-Marie Ambert, compiles results from hundreds of research papers that examined the social, emotional and financial effects of cohabitation and marriage on women, men, children and society.
The study shows that cohabitation by its nature is highly unstable, that it leads to higher divorce rates, and is detrimental to children both psychologically and physically.
“Commitment and stability are at the core of children’s needs; yet, in a great proportion of cohabitations, these two requirements are absent,” observes Ambert.
PART V
ISLAMIC PERSPECTIVE
Eleven ways of increasing happiness in your marriage
www.islamgreatreligion.wordpress.com
By Dr. Aisha Hamdan
By Dr. Aisha Hamdan
The young and excited bride-and-groom-to-be; ecstatic about the upcoming wedding and marriage and the joy that it will bring. Three to six months later, reality has set in and both spouses realize that marriage is no easy task, but one that takes a great deal of effort and patience. The following are tips for both wives and husbands, to help make the task a little less daunting, and to increase the many rewards that are possible in such a marvelous and complex relationship.
1) Enter the Marriage with the Right Intention and Renew this Often
Both spouses should enter the marriage with the pure intention of pleasing Allah, subhanahu wa ta’ala, in order to receive His grace and blessings.
The marriage itself then becomes an act of worship and one for which both spouses will be rewarded.
Allah will be pleased with them and this will be the most critical element in ensuring peace, stability and happiness throughout the marital life. It is also important to realize that when an act of worship is continued over a long period of time, it becomes necessary to renew one’s intention often to remain on the correct path and to obtain the most benefit.
2) Remember that Your Spouse is also Your Brother or Sister in Islam
Too often Muslims treat other people outside the home with kindness and sincerity, but then behave in a very different manner when it comes to their own spouses. Muslims should always remember that one’s spouse is also another brother or sister in Islam and that the rights and duties that apply to the general brotherhood (sisterhood) of Islam, should also form the basis of the marital relationship. Obviously, a spouse has rights beyond these, but there should be a clear understanding of the rights of brotherhood (sisterhood) and adherence to these principles.
(3) Do Not Hold Unrealistic Expectations
Before marriage, people often have unrealistic ideas about their spouse-to-be, expecting perfection in all aspects. This rarely, if ever, plays out in reality and can lead to unnecessary problems and concerns. We should recall that Allah, subhanahu wa ta’ala, created humans as imperfect beings, which means that many mistakes will be made throughout a lifetime. By turning the table and expecting imperfection, we will be pleasantly surprised and pleased when our spouse is much more than we ever hoped for. This, in turn, will lead to contentment within the marriage.
(4) Emphasize the Best in Your Spouse
Since no one is endowed with all of the best qualities, emphasis should be placed on the positive qualities that a spouse possesses. Encouragement, praise, and gratitude should be expressed on a regular basis, which will strengthen these qualities and be beneficial in developing others. An attempt should be made to overlook or ignore negative characteristics, as the Prophet, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, said:
“A believing man should not have any malice against a believing woman. He may dislike one characteristic in her, but may find another in her which is pleasing.” (Muslim)
(5) Be Your Mate’s Best Friend
Try to think of what a best friend means and be one to your spouse. This may mean sharing interests, experiences, dreams, failures and upsets. It may involve understanding a spouse’s likes and dislikes and attempting to please him or her in any way possible. A best friend is also usually someone that can be confided to, trusted, and relied upon. A spouse should be the kind of friend that one would want to keep throughout life.
(6) Spend Quality Time Together
It is not enough to share meals, chores and small talk together. Spouses should also find time to focus on strengthening the relationship. Often couples get busy with their own separate tasks and forget about working on one of the most important elements in life. Quality time may be anything from having a quiet, profound conversation to going for a nice long nature walk, to sharing a special hobby or project. Both spouses should enjoy the particular option chosen and distractions should be kept to a minimum.
(7) Express Feelings Often:
This is probably a very “Western” concept and one that some people may have difficulty fulfilling, but it is important to be open and honest about one’s feelings, both positive and negative. The lines of communication should always be open and any concerns should be brought to the attention of the other spouse as soon as they arise. The rationale of this is that what begins as a simple concern may grow into a major problem if it is not addressed quickly and properly. The “silent treatment” has never been the remedy for anything.
(8) Admit to Mistakes and ask for Forgiveness
Just as we ask Allah to forgive us when we make mistakes, we should also do the same with our spouses. The stronger person is the one who can admit when he or she is wrong, request pardon from the other, and work hard to improve his/her aspects that are in need of change. When a person is unwilling to do this, there will be little growth and development in the marriage.
(9) Never Bring up Mistakes of the Past
It can be very hurting for another person to be reminded of past mistakes. In Islam, it is generally not recommended to dwell on the past. One may remember errors that were made so that they are not repeated, but this should not be done excessively. Certainly, as humans, we are not in the position to judge another person. Advice may be given, but not in a harmful manner.
(10) Surprise Each Other at Times
This may entail bringing home a small gift or flowers, preparing a special meal, dressing up and beautifying oneself (this is not only for women), or sending a secret note in a lunchbox. A little imagination will go a long way here. The idea is to spice up the marriage and avoid getting into a dull routine that may negatively affect the marriage.
(11) Have a Sense of Humour
This particular aspect can go a long way in preventing arguments and brightening the atmosphere of the home. Life is a constant stream of challenges and tests, and to approach it in a light-hearted manner will help to make the journey smoother and more enjoyable. You may also find that your spouse enjoys this characteristic and looks forward to spending time with you because of it.
Quick Tips for Discussions and Disagreements:
Begin with the intention to resolve the issue. If both spouses have this intention and plan to consult together, it is more likely that there will be a successful resolution.
Remember that it takes two to quarrel. If only one person chooses not to argue, there will be no argument. Generally, the one who is wrong does most of the talking.
Both spouses should not be angry at the same time. If one of the spouses becomes upset, it is best if the other tries to remain calm and collected.
Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. Of course, house fires do not occur very frequently; yelling should occur at about the same rate.
Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled. This is one of the worst things that can happen in a marriage and should be avoided as much as possible. This allows hurt feelings and thoughts to linger and generally exacerbates the problem.
If one spouse needs to win, let it be your mate. Do not focus on winning yourself; this is the main reason that discussions tend to become heated.
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