VOICE OF GLOBAL UMMAH

VOICE OF GLOBAL UMMAH

Volume 165, January 9, 2011
St. Louis, Missouri, USA

Editors: Mohamed & Rashida Ziauddin

In the Name of Allah, the Most Beneficent and the most Merciful

EDITORIAL:

In the previous issue, we dealt with the slow but growing acceptance and tolerance for incest. In this E-Zine, our focus is on OPEN MARRIAGE and related issues.

As we mentioned earlier, as members of the global ummah, we need to hold firm on the rope of Islam, avoid criticism of others and respect the right of others in terms of freedom of choice. We don't believe that we have a right to impose our values on others, for it states clearly in the Holy Quran:

"There is no compulsion in religion".

HADITH PERTAINING TO FAMILY:

English translation of Holy Hadith (Sahih Bukhari) by M. Muhsin Khan taken from http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/hadithsunnah/bukhari/

Above from: www.ishwar.com

(1) Volume 7, Book 64, Number 263

Narrated Abu Mas'ud Al-Ansari: The Prophet said, "When a Muslim spends something on his family intending to receive Allah's reward it is regarded as Sadaqa for him."

(2) Volume 7, Book 64, Number 276

Narrated Al-Aswad bin Yazid: I asked 'Aisha "What did the Prophet use to do at home?" She said,:

"He used to work for his family, and when he heard the Adhan (call for the prayer), he would go out."

(3) Volume 7, Book 64, Number 282

Narrated Um Salama: I said, "O Allah's Apostle! Shall I get a reward (in the Hereafter) if I spend on the children of Abu Salama and do not leave them like this and like this (i.e., poor) but treat them like my children?" The Prophet said, "Yes, you will be rewarded for that which you will spend on them."

(4) Volume 7, Book 64, Number 285

Narrated Um Habiba: (the wife of the Prophet) I said, "O Allah's Apostle! Will you marry my sister, the daughter of Abu Sufyan." The Prophet said, "Do you like that?" I said, "Yes, for I am not your only wife, and the person I like most to share the good with me, is my sister." He said, "That is not lawful for me." I said, "O Allah's Apostle! We have heard that you want to marry Durra, the daughter of Abu Salama." He said, "You mean the daughter of Um Salama?" I said, "Yes." He said, "Even if she were not my step-daughter, she is unlawful for me, for she is my foster niece. Thuwaiba suckled me and Abu Salama. So you should not present to me your daughters and sisters."

Narrated 'Ursa: Thuwaiba had been a slave girl whom Abu Lahab had emancipated.

(www.wisdomintoislam.com)

(www.hilalplace.com)

VERSES FROM HOLY QURAN:

Below from www.biharanjuman.org

Holy Quran: 005.005 TRANSLATION BY YUSUF ALI:

"This day are (all) things good and pure made lawful unto you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful unto you and yours is lawful unto them. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book, revealed before your time,- when ye give them their due dowers, and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor secret intrigues if any one rejects faith, fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good).

Holy Quran: 017.032

TRANSLATION BY YUSUF ALI:

"Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils)".

PART I:

OPEN MARRIAGE




Open Marriage Styles

Couples in open marriages may prefer different kinds of extramarital relationships. Couples who prefer extramarital relationships emphasizing love and emotional involvement have a poly amorous style of open marriage. Couples who prefer extramarital relationships emphasizing sexual gratification and recreational friendships have a swinging style of open marriage.

These distinctions may depend on psychological factors such as sociosexuality and may contribute to the formation of separate Polyamory and Swinging communities.

Despite their distinctions, however, all open marriages share common issues:
- the lack of social acceptance
- the need to maintain the health of their relationship and avoid neglect, and
-the need to manage jealous rivalry.

Many couples have rules such as:
-No emotional attachment,
-must use protection, never in 'our bed/home',
-no illegitimate children,
-and/or must or must not know who the other person is, and so on.

Some open marriages are one sided as well. One partner who may need more sexual gratification than the other is free to seek it out where he/she sees fit, all while maintaining a functional emotional relationship with their full-time partner.
www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Open_marriage

(www.womenonthefence.com)

An Open Marriage is a marriage in which each partner is free to enter into extraneous sexual relationships without guilt or jealousy from the other

PART II:

Monogamy is for losers:

www.moonbattery.com

December 11, 2009

(condensed version)

Gregory of Yardale

We right-wingers have a stereotype of the social left that they put sexual gratification ahead of every other personal value. We stereotype left-wingers as hedonists, who disdain personal responsibility, and who would rather lower every one's values to the lowest common denominator than try to raise people to a higher standard. This stereotype is pretty much validated on a daily basis. Today, we read that Jenny Block, who writes for the dying left-wing publication Newsweek, writes that the answer to adultery is...

"to not have any expectations of commitment or monogamy in marriage".

She describes her own "marriage" as a sort of perpetual 70's key party, with the cliched 21st Century bisexual twist.

"First we both dated the same woman. Then my husband dated her and I saw other people. And then they broke up and I dabbled until I met a woman, who like my husband, I cannot imagine being without. And so now it's her and me and him and him and me, and we are all fabulous friends. Everyone gets their needs met. No one feels left out or guilty, and the only time any of us questions our lifestyle is when we let those Disney movies come creeping back into our heads."

In other words, it's not adultery if nobody cares. Some of us still naively believe that commitment to one person is a worthwhile ideal, that it spares one from the danger of STD's, and provides a stable environment to raise children who *won't* grow up to be sociopaths. But we are also the kind of people who don't believe in killing babies for the sake of sexual gratification; that's how screwed up our values are.

Also, there was a time when people would only write about the wonders of open marriage in the kind of magazines whose pages stick together. But one of the triumphs of the social left has been to make it acceptable for once respectable magazines like Newsweek to express this stuff.

PART III:

‘Open marriage’ author tells all

www.readthehook.com
by Marissa D'Orazio
(condensed version)
Jul 15, 2008

(Jenny Block)

BOOK:
"Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage".
SEAL PRESS
“It was weird that it wasn’t weird.”

This is how Jenny Block, author of Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage, describes the first sexual encounter she and her husband had with a mutual friend as part of their open marriage.

According to Block, the friend was “a younger, hilarious, intelligent woman,” and their relationship lasted for years. Although Block, a Dallas resident, discovered her bisexuality in her twenties, she always thought that it would eventually translate into her finding one man to be with for the rest of her life. But three years into her marriage, she had a six-month affair with a woman that led her to wonder if that dream could actually become reality. “I had a lot of questions,” she says. “I kept saying, ‘But you still love him.’

I did some research and found out that a lot of people are doing marriage in their own way.” Block’s husband, Christopher, was not initially enthusiastic about the idea of an open marriage. “He thought I was a crazy person at first,” she says. “He was wondering if the truth was that I didn’t want to be with him at all.”

But after many philosophical talks, he was persuaded to accept her point of view and agreed to an “open marriage,” which she defines as, “when two people are married but allowed to have other partners. It might just mean sex, but for us, it’s a relationship.”

That led to their affair with their mutual friend. Block denies the common perception– that she and her husband are swingers. Swingers, she explains, focus primarily on sexual relationships and leave love out of the picture. Block practices something called polyamory– meaning that she is allowed to love more than one person. Claiming, in fact, to be “boring and average,” in the book Block explores “how a nice girl like me can come to a place like this.”

PART IV

WHAT IS OPEN FIDELITY ?
www..openfidelity.info
(condensed version)

About Open Fidelity

Open Fidelity describes a new way of thinking about faithfulness in sexual relationships – a way that doesn’t assume that faithfulness means monogamy. Many people find monogamy impossible but still want to be honest and responsible in their relationships.

Open Fidelity is one way to reconcile these two things in one ethical way of living. It is also a good way to enable partners to fulfil their deepest desires in other ways than monogamy. Fidelity – or faithfulness – basically means keeping the promises you have made. This means: * having your partner’s needs in mind in all your decisions * working with your partner to fulfill the deepest desires that you both have * being honest with each other at all times about what you really desire, even if that means sex with someone else

Sexual relationships can be faithful in this sense while allowing partners to pursue what they most desire, even if that means sex with someone outside the relationships. Open fidelity means making realistic promises that you can keep, and then keeping them. If you are open and faithful, there is a world of possibilities to try.

You and your partner (or spouse) could have short flings or longer-term lovers as well as your committed partnership. You could try swinging, going to sex parties or meeting another couple. Or you could seek out several long-term loving relationships – also known as polyamory. It isn’t easy, but it is possible and it can be wonderfully rewarding.

PART V:

POINTS AGAINST OPEN MARRIAGE:

www.mfgmarriage.com/open-marriage-just-say-no/

We’d like to offer the following reasons why open marriage is a bad idea:

1. Open Marriage Can Be Extremely Damaging To Your Spouse’s Self Esteem

Not always, but most often, one spouse proposes to have an open marriage. What is really being communicated is that their partner is somehow deficient, not capable or not good enough in some area(s) of the relationship. Imagine the negative impact on your spouse.

2. Open Marriage Is An Diversion

Successful marriages require work. The most important work is on one’s self. A successful marriage is not so much as finding the right person as it is in being the right person. Open marriage only diverts us from doing the work necessary to create meaningful, long term, mutually satisfying relationships.

3. Open Marriages Can Be Socially Embarrassing and Humiliating

Society generally frowns on open marriages. And when it is discovered that a couple is engaged in an open marriage, it can be embarrassing not only for the couple but especially for their children. Your response might be that “I don’t care what society thinks. I’m living my life the way I choose.” That’s fine. But remember that there are always consequences for the choices we make.
"So our advice is to say no to open marriage".

PART VI

Open Marriage: Is it healthy?

By RAJAN Bhonsle, MINNU Bhonsle in Marital and Premarital Issues
www.completewellbeing.com
(condensed version)

Open Marriage, as it is called, is a mockery of the sanctity of marriage, and is, in effect, no marriage at all. Today, it is considered fashionable, trendy, liberal and mature, and you are with the times, respecting each other's "space," if you believe in, or practice, the Open Marriage concept - i.e., consensual extra-marital relations for both spouses.

Flirting between married couples is also rampant in elitist society, and if you do not have a taste for it, you are considered square and primitive. The famous song by American artist Paul Anka, "I'm a one man woman, I'm a one woman man," is mocked at by such "mature, exclusive" people. However, available data show that the pleasure of extra-marital sex is lower for men and women, in general, than what relates to overall sexual pleasure in a normal, happy marriage.

THE END