VOICE OF GLOBAL UMMAH

Prophet Mohamed (SAW) stated:
“You shall not enter Paradise until you have faith, and you shall not have faith until you love one another. Have compassion on those who are on earth, and He Who is in Heaven will have compassion for you.”

VOICE OF GLOBAL UMMAH

Volume 142, August 1, 2010
St. Louis, Missouri, USA

Editorial Couple: Mohamed & Rashida Ziauddin

In the Name of Allah, the Most Beneficent and the Most Merciful

EDITORIAL:

AUGUST IS UMMAH'S SEXUAL HEALTH MONTH:
PART I

1400 years ago, our Prophet Mohamed (SAW) enlightened mankind on different gems of wisdom which were timeless in value and is now being backed up and confirmed by science to be beneficial to mankind in a multitude of ways.

JORDAN: Veiled brides line up as they prepare to take part in a mass wedding for 58 couples in Amman, July 24, 2009. REUTERS/Majed JaberAmit Dave-Reuters. www.washingtonpost.com

When it was revealed in the Holy Quran that MANKIND IS ONE BUT ONE COMMUNITY, during the 5th century, with the extremely limited network of global communication (if any) it really did not mean much compared to the current period which is loaded with hi-tech communication among people across the globe. Those days the transport was primarily with camels and horses even for long transnational & transcontinental journeys and there was virtually no instant communication across countries except for personal messages delivered by a King's representative.

However today we have several multiple hi tech communications that enables us to instantly know what's going on, on the other side of the globe "LIVE" via video-phone, Internet, satellite/TV et.c. Indeed the Quranic verse of MANKIND IS BUT ONE COMMUNITY is more relevant today than 1400 years ago.

In the same way, many of the teachings of Prophet Mohamed (SAW) and verses of Holy Quran are more relevant today than ever before and this includes the field of human relationships and more particular fostering love through emotional, physical and sexual bonding between husband and wife who then have children and form the smallest social unit - FAMILY.

It is mentioned in the Holy Quran:

(lunahudhud.blogspot.com)

(SAUDI ARABIA: Saudi couple during wedding: librarythinkquest.org)

"Allah created male and female from a single soul in order that man might live with her in serenity (Quran, 7:189) (and not in unhappiness, frustration and strife).

Islam is a religion of self-discipline as evidenced in almost all its teachings. The same self-discipline applies in the field of Islamic Sexology which means all love and sex is within the boundaries of husband-wife relationship which begins after marriage.

JORDAN. Veiled brides www. ibtimes

AFRICAN COUPLE IN WEDDING: www.eng.umu.se

ISLAM SUPPORTS THE CONCEPT OF MARRIAGE

(BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN)


(Turkish bride: hilalplaza.com)




INDIA: Muslim brides show their hands decorated with henna paste as they wait for the start of a mass marriage ceremony in the western Indian city of Ahmedabad. A total of 12 Muslim couples from the city took wedding vows on Sunday during the mass wedding ceremony, organizers said.



MARRIAGE FOR MUSLIMS IS AN:
ISLAMIC PASSPORT TO HAVE YOUR LIFE PARTNER, CREATE YOUR OWN UNIQUE FAMILY AND ENJOY ALL THE PLEASURES THAT ALLAH HAS BLESSED, WITH ADDITIONAL BONUS OF RECEIVING REWARDS FOR SUCH ENJOYMENT



(Muslim couple: trendsupdate.com)




INDIA: Brides wait for a mass wedding ceremony to begin in Ahmedabad, India. A total of 81 Muslim couples took wedding vows during the mass marriage ceremony organized by a Muslim volunteer organization. www.hi.baidu.com




NIGERIAN COUPLE IN WEDDING: www.eng.umu.se





TURKEY: turkeyculture.blogspot.com





INDIA: Muslim brides take part in a mass wedding ceremony in Mumbai June 15, 2009. A total of 30 Muslim couples, from various parts of western Indian state of Maharashtra, took their wedding vows on Monday during the day-long mass marriage ceremony. (Agencies)




(Turkish couple: withloveistanbul.blogspot)




(Uzbekistan Muslim Wedding: europeandcis.undp.org)




(Wedding of Iranian couple: ibtimes.com)




Bosnian wedding (betulfatma.jeeran.com)




MALAYSIA: Scenic view: Five of the six newlywed Muslim couples posing for a group photo after exchanging their vows on Pantai Sri Tujuh in Tumpat Friday.(thestar.com)





(Iranian Wedding:library.thinkquest.org)



(Chinese Muslim Wedding: islaminchina.wordpress.com)




(Marriage of Indian tennis star Sania Mirza)
yahoo.news.photos





(turkish bride: withloveistanbul. com)





TURKEY: 206 couples wave on stage as they wait for their wedding ceremony in Ankara, August 6, 2006. REUTERS/Umit Bektas (ibtimes.com)






LEBANON: Lebanese brides and grooms pose for a souvenir photo during their joint wedding ceremony at the ancient Roman temple of Bakhos in eastern Lebanon, July 29, 2007. REUTERS/Ahmad Shalhaa (ibtimes.com)

TURKEY: Imam with couple www. ibtimes.com





IRAQ: Newlywed couples attend a photo session during a mass wedding reception for about 60 couples in Baghdad, December 7, 2007. REUTERS/Ceerwan Aziz. www.ibtimes.com



Sayings of Holy Prophet Muhammad (SAW) on marriage and said:

(1) "When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."

(2) “Nikah (marriage) is my Sunna. He who shuns my Sunna is not of me.”

(3) "The whole world is pleasure, and the best pleasure of the world is the righteous woman.”

(4) "Four things bring one joy: a righteous wife, a spacious house, a pious neighbor and a comfortable riding animal" (means of transport)"

(5) "The most perfect believer in faith is the one whose character is finest and who is kindest to his wife.'

(6) “Three things of this world of yours have been made beloved to me: Women, perfume, and the delight of my eye has been placed in the Salat.”

(7) "Man would be committing a huge sin if he were to ruin whomever he supports."

(8) “Among my followers the best of men are those who are best to their wives, and the best of women are those who are best to their husbands. To each of such women is set down a reward equivalent to the reward of a thousand martyrs. Among my followers, again, the best of women are those who assist their husbands in their work, and love them dearly for everything, save what is transgression of Allah's laws.'

(9) “What a man spends on his family is a Sadaqa, and a man will be rewarded even for the morsel that he raises to his wife's lips.”

(10) “I counsel you to be kind to your wives, for they are your helpers. You have taken them only as a trust from God, making their private parts lawful through a word.”

(yahoo.news.photos)

(A) The Second Caliph of Islam Hazrat Umar (RA) said:
“After belief in God, a man can have no better gift than a virtuous wife.”

(B) A renowned companion of the Holy Prophet namely Ibn Mas'ud used to say:

“If I had but ten days left to live, I would like to marry, so as not to meet God as a celibate.”

Needless to say, above sayings from our beloved Prophet Mohamed (SAW) emphasize on getting married and on the husband being kind to his wife et.c.

In terms of intimate social relationships, Islam strictly prohibits any participation whatsoever with open marriage, wife swapping, swinging clubs, group orgies et.c.

The Prophet (s) himself said: "Modesty brings nothing but good." (Bukhari and Muslim)

But another, also important, part of Islamic teaching says that all of Allah's creation is beautiful and pure, particularly when it is part of the body of human beings, who are designed as His deputies upon the earth.


WHAT IS YOUR KINK ?

The issue of KINK is more complicated in Islam since there is halal kinky behavior and haram kinky behavior. It is okay for a Muslim couple to have halal kinky sexual behavior within the confines of their own privacy. The possibilities are limitless if you have an open mind, are creative and give it a try.

However such kinky behaviors should never include (a) Scat (interest in urine and feces since it violates the Islamic teaching emphasizing cleanliness and purity) (b) Bestiality and (c) Anal sex (all three of which are contradictory to Islamic teachings).

This is due to several considerations in the Sunnah as well as the Qur'an.

First, cleanliness is one of the qualities which Allah, the Exalted, loves. He says:

"Surely God loves those who repent, and He loves those who are always pure." (2:222) He also praised the people of Qiba' and their love of cleanliness, saying, "A mosque which was founded upon piety from the very first day is more worthy be stood in. In it are men who love to purify themselves, and God loves those who purify themselves." (9:108)

Narrated Abû Mâlik Al-Hârith bin Âsim Al-Ash’ari: Allah’s Messenger said:

“Cleanliness is half of Faith;

Bestiality and Anal Sex is prohibited in Islam.

Islamic views on anal sex are largely condemnatory in terms of religious jurisprudence. Liwat, or the sin of Lot's people, is officially prohibited by most Islamic sects, citing various hadith (traditional sayings of the Prophet found outside the Quran).

Islamic expert and jurist Sheikh Ibn Hajar Haytami (1503-1566) was a classical Muslim scholar who was an expert in Sacred Law (Islamic Law) and a well renowned authority.

In his list of enormities (sins) he listed bestiality (w52.1, 338-43) as a sin, thus clearly showing sex with animals is not allowed in Islam and is deemed as sinful.

Prophet Mohamed (SAW) also stated: "Cursed is he who goes into (has sex with) an animal. Cursed is he who does what the people of Lot did (sodomy; the people of Sodom and Gomorah)".

(Further), most Muslim jurists agree that anal sex is haram, based on the hadith: "Do not have anal sex with women", reported by Ahmad, At-Tirmidhi, Al-Nasa'i and Ibn Majah and the hadith of Abu Dawood, such as Ibn Kathir, Muhammad ibn al Uthaymeen and Muhammad Nasiruddin al-Albani. (Wikipedia)

Coming back to the issue of romance, love and sex between husband and wife, is sacred but equally enjoyable. Islamic teaching basically encourages having strong sexual bonding between the couple.

Prophet Mohamed (SAW) had given guidance not only for the betterment of the psychological and physical health, but also for the betterment of sexual health. Even science confirms the many benefits of having sex from a psychological and health perspective. Prophet Mohamed (SAW) equated having sex with one's loving partner with getting rewards and strongly encouraged it.

SEMEN "MAKES WOMEN HAPPY"

(news.bbc.co.uk)

(condensed version)

Hormones in semen may help to ease female depression because women whose partners don't use condoms are less likely to feel down.

Women exposed to their partner's semen during sex may find themselves feeling happier than those who use a condom, say scientists.

Scientists (Gordon Gallup and Colleagues at the State University of New York) in the US believe the mood-altering hormones in semen absorbed through the vagina help to boost women's mood.

Semen contains a range of hormones, including testosterone and oestrogen, both of which have been shown to improve mood.

However, they warned that their findings should not be used to encourage people to practice unsafe sex.

The study, details of which are published in New Scientist magazine, also found that a lack of sexual intercourse made some women depressed .

The scientists also found that depression and suicide attempts were more common among those women whose partners used condoms regularly.

FURTHER EVIDENCE:

Mr Gallup told the magazine that an extended study on more than 700 women has backed up these findings.

He added that other factors such as how often the women had sex, the strength of their relationships, their personalities or the use of oral contraceptives did not affect the overall conclusions.

But Mr Gallup, whose study will be published in the journal ARCHIVES OF SEXUAL BEHAVIOUR , urged couples to continue to practise safe sex.

"I want to make it clear that we are not advocating that people abstain from using condoms," he said.

"Clearly an unwanted pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease would more than offset any advantageous psychological effects of semen."

SAYINGS OF PROPHET MOHAMED (SAW):

God's Messenger(s) said:

"In the sexual act of each of you there is a sadaqa." The Companions replied: "0 Messenger of God! When one of us fulfills his sexual desire, will he be given a reward for that?" And he said, "Do you not think that were he to act upon it unlawfully, he would be sinning? Likewise, if he acts upon it lawfully he will be rewarded." (Muslim)

"Three things are counted inadequacies in a man. Firstly, meeting someone he would like to get to know, and taking leave of him before learning his name and his family. Secondly, rebuffing the generosity that another shows to him. And thirdly, going to his wife and having intercourse with her before talking to her and gaining her intimacy, satisfying his need from her before she has satisfied her need from him." (Daylami)

"Not one of you should fall upon his wife like an animal; but let there first be a messenger between you." "And what is that messenger?" they asked, and he replied: "Kisses and words." (Daylami)

Sex Makes You Brainy, Finds Study

by Silky Chandvani - Sunday, August 1, 2010

Making love is not only beneficial for body and soul, but it also boosts brain's growth and improves performance at the workplace, a new research suggests. Scientists from Princeton University have revealed that people with fulfilling sex lives are less anxious, violent and hostile, as compared to their virgin counterparts.

Study details

A study conducted on rats has suggested that sex apparently can help the brain grow. The research also pointed out that sexually active rodents were less anxious than virgins. For the research, scientists played matchmaker by coupling adult male rats with "sexually receptive" females, either once per day for two weeks or just once in a two-week period. The two groups were then compared with male virgins and it was found that both the sexually active groups had undergone cell proliferation leading to more neurons in the hippocampus region, improved growth in adult brain cells, and more connection between them.

Hippocampus is a part of the brain linked with memory whose cells are especially sensitive to unpleasant experiences. They also measured levels of stress hormone called glucocorticoids in their blood, which researchers suspected might lie behind the detrimental effects that unpleasant experiences have on the brain. Reportedly, sex triggers the production of prolactin, which thereby sends message to stem cells in the brain to develop new neurons.

Also, the act releases endorphins that relieve stress and introduces a sense of satisfaction. On the other side, rodents who were made to see females only once in two weeks reported elevated levels of stress hormones.The findings appear online in the journal 'PLOS ONE.'

Sex: Previous Researches

Furthermore, it suggests that women having more sex will produce higher levels of estrogen, which in turn protects against heart diseases.

A previous study by South Illinois School Of Medicine on 52 migraine sufferers has shown that having sex can cure severe headaches . Also, it stated that orgasms boost infection-fighting cells up by 20 percent, thus providing strength against all kinds of infections.

SCIENTIFIC FINDINGS ON BENEFITS OF SEX

Webmd.com

1) Sex Relieves Stress:

A big health benefit of sex is lower blood pressure and overall stress reduction, according to researchers from Scotland who reported their findings in the journal Biological Psychology. They studied 24 women and 22 men who kept records of their sexual activity. Then the researchers subjected them to stressful situations -- such as speaking in public and doing verbal arithmetic -- and noted their blood pressure response to stress.

Those who had intercourse had better responses to stress than those who engaged in other sexual behaviors or abstained. Another study published in the same journal found that frequent intercourse was associated with lower diastolic blood pressure in cohabiting participants. Yet other research found a link between partner hugs and lower blood pressure in women.

2. Sex Boosts Immunity

Good sexual health may mean better physical health. Having sex once or twice a week has been linked with higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A or IgA, which can protect you from getting colds and other infections. Scientists at Wilkes University in Wilkes-Barre, Pa., took samples of saliva, which contain IgA, from 112 college students who reported the frequency of sex they had. Those in the "frequent" group -- once or twice a week -- had higher levels of IgA than those in the other three groups -- who reported being abstinent, having sex less than once a week, or having it very often, three or more times weekly.

3. Sex Burns Calories

Thirty minutes of sex burns 85 calories or more. It may not sound like much, but it adds up: 42 half-hour sessions will burn 3,570 calories, more than enough to lose a pound. Doubling up, you could drop that pound in 21 hour-long sessions. "Sex is a great mode of exercise," says Patti Britton, PhD, a Los Angeles sexologist and president of the American Association of Sexuality Educators and Therapists. It takes work, from both a physical and psychological perspective, to do it well, she says.

4. Sex Improves Cardiovascular Health

While some older folks may worry that the efforts expended during sex could cause a stroke, that's not so, according to researchers from England. In a study published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, scientists found frequency of sex was not associated with stroke in the 914 men they followed for 20 years.

And the heart health benefits of sex don't end there. The researchers also found that having sex twice or more a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half for the men, compared with those who had sex less than once a month.

5. Sex Boosts Self-Esteem

Boosting self-esteem was one of 237 reasons people have sex, collected by University of Texas researchers and published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. That finding makes sense to Gina Ogden, PhD, a sex therapist and marriage and family therapist in Cambridge, Mass., although she finds that those who already have self-esteem say they sometimes have sex to feel even better. "One of the reasons people say they have sex is to feel good about themselves," she tells WebMD. "Great sex begins with self-esteem, and it raises it. If the sex is loving, connected, and what you want, it raises it."

6. Sex Improves Intimacy

Having sex and orgasms increases levels of the hormone oxytocin, the so-called love hormone, which helps us bond and build trust. Researchers from the University of Pittsburgh and the University of North Carolina evaluated 59 premenopausal women before and after warm contact with their husbands and partners ending with hugs. They found that the more contact, the higher the oxytocin levels. "Oxytocin allows us to feel the urge to nurture and to bond," Britton says. Higher oxytocin has also been linked with a feeling of generosity. So if you're feeling suddenly more generous toward your partner than usual, credit the love hormone.

7. Sex Reduces Pain

As the hormone oxytocin surges, endorphins increase, and pain declines. So if your headache, arthritis pain, or PMS symptoms seem to improve after sex, you can thank those higher oxytocin levels. In a study published in the Bulletin of Experimental Biology and Medicine, 48 volunteers who inhaled oxytocin vapor and then had their fingers pricked lowered their pain threshold by more than half.

8. Sex Reduces Prostate Cancer Risk

Frequent ejaculations, especially in 20-something men, may reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life, Australian researchers reported in the British Journal of Urology International. When they followed men diagnosed with prostate cancer and those without, they found no association of prostate cancer with the number of sexual partners as the men reached their 30s, 40s, and 50s. But they found men who had five or more ejaculations weekly while in their 20s reduced their risk of getting prostate cancer later by a third.

Another study, reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association, found thatfrequent ejaculations, 21 or more a month, were linked to lower prostate cancer riskin older men, as well, compared with less frequent ejaculations of four to seven monthly.

9. Sex Strengthens Pelvic Floor Muscles

For women, doing a few pelvic floor muscle exercises known as Kegels during sex offers a couple of benefits. You will enjoy more pleasure, and you'll also strengthen the area and help to minimize the risk of incontinence later in life. To do a basic Kegel exercise, tighten the muscles of your pelvic floor, as if you're trying to stop the flow of urine. Count to three, then release.

10. Sex Helps You Sleep Better

The oxytocin released during orgasm also promotes sleep, according to research.

And getting enough sleep has been linked with a host of other good things, such as maintaining a healthy weight and blood pressure. Something to think about, especially if you've been wondering why your guy can be active one minute and snoring the next.

BRAZIL:

Brazilians told to get more sex for healthy living:
Locals and tourists enjoy the beach in Copacabana, Rio de Janeiro. One of the best ways Brazilians can stave off chronic illness is to engage regularly in physical exercise, especially sex, Health Minister Jose Gomes Temporao said Monday. (AFP/File/Vanderlei Almeida)

JAPAN: Have more sex, Japanese told

The Japanese Family Planning Association are now running a drive to get couples having more sex. A recent survey of married couples under fifty found they had sex 45 times a year, less than half the world's 103-times-a-year average.

Most Japanese couples complain they are too tired for sex after a hard day's work, so the labour ministry is planning to exempt employees with children under three from overtime and limit them to six-hour days.

Japanese workers are being urged to have more sex. Japan has one of the lowest birth rates in the world and new research shows its population could fall by 30-million in the next 40 years. (Bang.Showbiz.12/08)

UNITED KINGDOM:

Meanwhile in Britain, a survey of 2000 people has found sex to be the most popular free pastime among people, and that people are having more sex overall because of the recent economic downturn - boosting condom sales. (Bang Showbiz 12/08)

(Ed Note: Be careful and take appropriate steps to overcome the below ten sex drive killers)

SEX DRIVE KILLERS:
1.bp.blogspot.com

Are you or your partner losing interest in sex? A variety of physiological and psychological factors can impact your libido. Check out these common sex-drive killers.

(1) Sex-Drive Killer: Stress

You may be the kind of person who does many things well when under stress. But feeling sexy isn't likely to be one of them. Job stress, money troubles, caring for a sick family member, and other stressors can decrease libido. To keep your stress levels in check, learn helpful stress management techniques or seek the advice of a counselor or doctor.

(2) Sex-Drive Killer: Relationship Problems

Unresolved relationship problems are one of the most common killers of sex drive. For women in particular, emotional closeness is a major ingredient in sexual desire. Simmering arguments, poor communication, betrayal of trust, and other barriers to intimacy can steer your sex drive off the road.

(3) Sex-Drive Killer: Alcohol

A drink or two doesn't always put you in the mood. Alcohol famously makes you feel less inhibited about sex. But it can also numb your sex drive. And even if it doesn't numb your sex drive, inebriation can be a turn-off for your partner. All of this goes for recreational drugs, too.

(4) Sex-Drive Killer: Too Little Sleep

If your sexual get-up-and-go is gone, maybe you're getting up too early or getting to bed too late. Or maybe you have insomnia or sleep apnea. Whatever it is that's interfering with your sleep, it's also interfering with your sex drive. Too little sleep creates fatigue. Fatigue saps sex drive.

(5) Sex-Drive Killer: Parenting

Parenting itself doesn't kill sex drive. But it can be hard to find time to be intimate when the kids are under foot. Hire a baby sitter for some time to nurture your relationship. New baby in the home? Try scheduling sex during the baby's nap time.

(6) Sex-Drive Killer: Medication

Drugs commonly linked to libido loss include:
* Antidepressants
* Blood pressure medications
* Antihistamines
* Oral contraceptives (some studies show a link; others don't)
* Chemotherapy
* Anti-HIV drugs
* Finasteride
* Synthetic progesterone-medroxyprogesterone

Changing to a different medication or different dosage may solve the problem. Other drugs may affect sex drive, too. If your sex drive shifted into park soon after beginning a new medication, talk with your doctor. Never stop taking a medication without consulting your doctor.

(7) Sex Drive Killer: Body Image

It's hard to feel sexy if your self-esteem suffers from poor body image. For example, feeling ashamed of being too heavy (even if you’re not) will douse your love light. If your partner has these feelings, it can really help to reassure him or her that you still find him/her sexy. And there's a flip side to the equation: Working out not only enhances your self-esteem, but also ups your sex drive.

(8) Sex-Drive Killer: Obesity

Being overweight or obese is linked to a lack of sexual enjoyment, desire, and difficulties with sexual performance. The reason isn't clear, but may be linked to self-esteem, unsatisfactory relationships, social stigma, and other psychological issues.

(9) Sex-Drive Killer: Erectile Dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction (ED) is a different kind of sexual disorder than loss of libido (a medical term for loss of sex drive). But men with ED worry about how they will be able to perform sexually. And that worry can drain their sex drive.

(10) Sex-Drive Killer: Low T

Testosterone increases sex drive. As men age, their testosterone levels may decline slightly. Not all men lose the desire for sex when their testosterone levels drop -- but many do. Testosterone is linked to sex drive in women, too. But a woman's hormonal balance is more complex than a man's and many factors are at play. It's not at all clear whether testosterone therapy is as safe and effective in boosting sex drive for women as it is for men.

(11) Sex-Drive Killer: Depression

It doesn't seem fair. Many antidepressants can lower your sex drive -- and so does depression. But if your sex drive has drooped, is might be a sign that you're depressed. Clinical depression is a serious, but treatable condition.

(12) Sex-Drive Killer: Menopause

About half of women report reduced sex drive around the time of menopause, even though they believe it important to maintain an active sex life. Menopausal symptoms, such as vaginal dryness and pain during sex, may make sex less comfortable. But the hormonal changes of menopause are only part of the picture. An aging woman concerned about her sex drive should also consider the quality of her relationship, her body image and self esteem, medications she is taking, and her physical health.

(13) Sex-Drive Killer: Too Little Intimacy

Sex without intimacy is a sex-drive killer. Intimacy isn't just a code word for sex. If your sex life is in neutral, try spending more non-sexual intimate time together – alone. Talk, snuggle, trade massages. Learn to express affection without having to have sex. As intimacy builds, so does sex drive.

GRAPH OF LOVE SEXUAL ENCOUNTER
(yahoo.news.photos)

10 Tips on How to Be a Successful Husband

www.islamway.com.

Note: Additions in brackets are notes from a sister.

1) Dress Up Dress up for your wife, look clean and smell good. When was the last time us men went shopping for designer pajamas? Just like the husband wants his wife to look nice for him, she also wants her husband to dress up for her too. Remember that Rasulullah (SAW) would always start with Miswak when returning home and always loved the sweetest smells.

(Dress up for your wife when you are at home also. Some brothers only dress up when they go out and that is not a good practice. A husband should dress up for his wife when they are at home. it makes a wife feel special.)

2) Sweet Names Use the cutest names for your wife. Rasulullah (SAW) had nicknames for his wives, ones that they loved. Call your wife by the most beloved names to her, and avoid using names that hurt their feelings.

(Remember, you are your wife’s only boyfriend, and her only best friend. She does not go out seeking boyfriends and she shares a halal relationship with you. Love her unconditionally for the sake of Allah. And express your love to her. A woman likes to be told that she is loved. Call her from your work to make sure she is doing fine. I have seen my dad calling my mother several times a day, just to make sure she has been eating well. And my husband calls me at least twice from work to make sure I am doing well. These things are very important in a relationship.)

3) Reward Her Actions Don’t treat her like a fly. We never think about a fly in our daily lives until it ‘bugs’ us. Similarly, a wife will do well all day – which brings no attention from the husband – until she does something to ‘bug’ him. Don’t treat her like this; recognize all the good that she does and focus on that.

(Whenever there is a fight or argument, just remember all the things she does for you. she cooks for you, she takes care of your home, she takes care of your children and the most important thing is that she guards her modesty. So do not upset her if she is upset with you. Hold her and tell her that you love her. Only your love can repel her anger. Communicate with her and discuss with her if there are any misunderstandings.)

4) Remain Silent If you see wrong from your wife, try being silent and do not comment. This is one of the ways Rasulullah (SAW) used when he would see something inappropriate from his wives. It’s a technique that few Muslim men have mastered.

(Do not criticize her all the time. Trust her and trust her decisions. If she is doing something that you don’t like, or that goes against the teachings of Islam, then do advice her gently.)

5) Smile! Smile at your wife whenever you see her and embrace her often. Smiling is Sadaqah and your wife is not exempt from the Muslim Ummah. Imagine life with her constantly seeing you smiling. Remember also those Ahadith when Rasulullah (SAW) would kiss his wife before leaving for Salah, even if he was fasting.

(Do let your wife know that you are very happy and blessed to have her. A wife always wonders how her husband feels about her. She may have some insecurity about you, so make her feel secure. Always give her a hug whenever you come back from work. appreciate her and thank her for taking care of everything whole day. If you are not too tired, go out for star gazing for an hour or so.)

6) Acknowledge Her Thank her for all that she does for you. Then thank her again! Take for example a dinner at your house. She makes the food, cleans the home, and a dozen other tasks to prepare. And sometimes the only acknowledgment she receives is that there needed to be more salt in the soup. Don’t let that be; thank her!

(Write thank you notes for her and place those notes in her books, her purse, her socks, and anything else that belongs to her. You can use your own creativity to thank her. You can thank her by writing something on a mirror with her lipstick, so that she can read it when she wakes up in the morning. You can also thank her by arranging a candlelight dinner AT HOME, you be the cook and let her rest. So far I have learned that a nice romantic dinner at home is much better than going out for dinner. This way a couple saves themselves from many fitnahs. You can thank her by writing her letters and emails. Remember, in Islam, everyday is special. So celebrate wife’s day with her, and do it very often without having a particular date. She will always wonder when the wife’s day is going to be.

You can also give her a certificate of appreciation, or a Best Wife Award on wife’s day. Do everything by yourself that day and let her rest, this way you will also know how difficult it could be to do household chores. Thank her by building a webpage for her, write a note there and a poem and then ask her to visit your webpage. Thank her by recording a voice message on a cd for your wife. She will love it!

Thank her by giving her a gift, and a gift does not have to be expensive. Be creative! You do not have to give her Roses, you can give her a leaf too! (My husband gave me a leaf once, instead of roses, and I was very happy and surprised, and I appreciated his creativity). So remember, thoughtful and creative gifts makes a wife feel secure and happy. Thank her by ordering a halal pizza for her, ask the restaurant to cut it in a heart shape and have it delivered with a personalized note. Thank her by thanking her in a family gathering. A woman likes it when her husband gives her attention.

If you visit her parents or your parents, hold her hands and tell your parents how happy you are after marriage. Give your wife an Islamic book as a gift after praying Tahajjud. Use your imagination and think about unique gifts. Remember, she does not need a diamond, she needs your sincerity and your heart, so always give her the gifts that are thoughtful. Whenever you do something to make her happy, observe her facial expressions and ask yourself about how you feel when you become her happiness.)

7) Ten Blessings From Allah Ask her to write down the last ten things you did for her that made her happy. Then go and do them again. It may be hard to recognize what gives your wife pleasure. You don’t have to play a guessing game–ask her and work on repeating those things in your life.

(Also ask her to write down the things you did that she did not like, or the things you did that made her unhappy. Try to not do those things in future. If she falls ill, let her lay down, and read different surahs from Qur’an while placing your hand on her forehead. When I got sick, my husband recited Qur’an for me, it really helped a lot masha Allah. Remember, a wife needs her husband the most when she is not feeling well. Take good care of her because a healthy wife makes a healthy family. Do not expect too much from her when she is sick.)

8) Validate her Feelings Don’t belittle her desires. Comfort her. Sometimes the men may look down upon the requests of their wives. Rasulullah (SAW) set the example for us in an incident when Safiyyah (SAW) was crying because, as she said, he had put her on a slow camel. He wiped her tears, comforted her, and brought her the camel.

(If there is a time of sadness, give her your shoulder to cry on. Hold her and tell her that everything will be fine. Alhamdulillah, my husband and my dad are amongst those Muslim husbands who would even have tears in their eyes if their wives are sad. Remember, a woman does not like to cry alone in a corner. She needs someone to hold her when she is sad, so never let her feel lonely. Remind her the verses from Qur’an that talks about Patience and Piety.)

9) Have Fun! Be humorous and play games with your wife. Look at how Rasulullah (SAW) would race his wife Aisha (RAA) in the desert. When was the last time we did something like that?

(A sense of humor plays a very important role in a marital relationship. Most women wish to have a husband who has a good sense of humor. Tell her decent and modest jokes that make her happy. A wife appreciates it very much if her husband makes her smile. You can play various games at home. Play with crayons, or have a pillow fight. Or hide different notes in your bedroom and ask her to find it. Think of different games you can both play. Let her win sometimes.

Adopt interesting hobbies, such as reading, cooking together and gardening. Grow a surprise rose plant in your garden, when you have the first rose blooming, take her to the garden and show it to her. Newspaper and Sports Issue! Men like to watch sports, or read newspaper. Most Pakistani wives consider newspaper as their co-wives. So be very careful. If you are watching sports, turn the TV off if your wife comes around. Give her attention. Do not spend too much time reading newspaper, and do not read newspaper on the breakfast table, rather have an Islamic discussion. If you want to get her to like newspaper, then try to find something that interests her. Such as, try to find a news about Hijab. Or try to find a news about Muslim women for her.)

10) Be The Best Always remember the words of Allah’s Messenger (SAW): “The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best amongst you to my family.” Try to be the best! In conclusion: Never forget to make Dua to Allah ta'ala to make your marriage successful. And Allah ta’ala knows best!

(And once again: your wife is your best friend, and your girlfriend. Share everything with her. Remember she is your garment and you are her garment, so hide her faults and mistakes. Learn to forgive her. Also communicate a lot with her family. It really makes a difference if husband communicates with his in laws. It helps both husband’s and wife’s family to share a beautiful relationship. Respect her parents and show your love to her family. This will inspire her to love and respect your family. If her family is not Muslim, do dawah to them in a beautiful way.

Spend lots of time praying to Allah swt. Do fast often even if it is not Ramadan. Fasting brings patience and taqwah. Lead her in the prayer. There is nothing better than praying together).

Remember Allah, so that Allah remembers you.

May Allah bless us and guide us all.

Ameen!

References Alshareef, Muhammad. “[10 Tips] How to Be a Successful Husband.” IslamWay. 24 Apr. 2007.

Sister El Kawthar posted this first at: http://elkawthar.wordpress.com/ten-tips-towards-being-a-successful-husband/

ISLAMIC SEXOLOGY

Dr. Heba Kotb:
A leading Professional in the field of ISLAMIC SEXOLOGY:

Chicago Sun-Times.

Sex and Muslims:
Dr. Heba Kotb, TV sexologist to the Arab world, discusses female pleasure, Islamic sex and curing homosexuality

Veiled by a hijab, Dr. Heba Kotb appears weekly on a hit Arab TV show called "The Big Talk" with a message for Muslims: Have more sex -- and hot sex -- in the name of Allah. Dr. Kotb, the first licensed sexologist in Egypt, believes that sex is a gift Allah intended for humans; her divine mission is to make sure that they're enjoying it. Every week, viewers throughout the Muslim world flood her station with calls, hoping to have their most intimate questions answered on-air.

All sorts of sexual queries are allowed, with one snag: Sexual relations outside of marriage are haram (prohibited by Islam) and not open to discussion. "On her show, Big Talk, Kotb answers questions from Muslims all over the Middle East about the most intimate bedroom issues with an openness that is shocking and revolutionary in a society where discussing the subject is taboo. “How do I talk about these issues? Very seriously,” the Egyptian sexologist says. ”I put on a mask-like face and make sure I speak in the right tone of voice,” she adds. She also does it by talking about sex in an Islamic light, arguing that the faith is in favor of pleasure for both men and women, with one important caveat that it be only in the context of marriage.

“I'm very proud of my religion,” Dr. Kotb said in an interview at Cairo University, where she teaches forensic medicine. “My studies revealed to me more and more how Islam was ahead in all sexual matters ... I discovered that Islam understood sex long before the rest of the world,” she adds. For example, Islam “stresses the importance of foreplay,” Kotb said, and she often stresses to listeners that women should also enjoy sex. Kotb's frankness is a hit in a region where sex education is minimal, male-female contact is often discouraged and talk on the subject is usually in hushed tones, allowing myths to circulate freely.

She lectured in Saudi Arabia and Yemen recently, where she said many men in the audience where shocked, while women some with veiled faces bombarded her with questions. Kotb, 39 and married with three daughters, studied sexology at Maimonides University, a private school in Florida, and combined it with her own knowledge of her religion to produce a dissertation titled Sexuality in Islam. She opened a sexology clinic in Cairo in 2002, wrote sex advice columns in newspapers, appeared on talk shows and answered questions on an Arabic website. She started Big Talk on the independent Egyptian satellite channel El-Mehwar more than two months ago. Much of her advice is straight biology laying out facts rarely aired elsewhere.

Nothing is too sensitive. She discusses sexual positions, female orgasm, oral sex (allowed, “since there is no religious text banning it”), even masturbation (frowned upon but at least preferable to unmarried or adulterous sex, which is haram, meaning forbidden by religion).

INTERVIEW WITH DR. HEBA KOTB:
(Condensed version from Salon.com)

Q: You are a devout Muslim. Does that conflict with an open discussion of sexuality?

A: Not at all. I don’t find any contradictions between religion and sex. You can’t be a human without being sexual.

Q: Do you think there will ever be a program like yours in the Middle East that discusses sex without a religious context?

A: I don’t think there will ever be a secular show. But I also didn’t mean for "Serious Talk" to be a religious show. It’s a delicate balance.

Q: When did you first have this interest in sexuality?

A: I was a resident at Cairo University hospital and had just had my first daughter. I was also working on my first PhD and reading about sexuality and saying, `Oh my God, I’m a doctor and I have my master’s and I’m married and having children, all this and I am just now learning about human sexuality.’ God gave us the gift of being able to have passionate sex. Unlike other animals, sex is not just a function for procreation.

Q: Does your work as a doctor conflict with your religious beliefs? For instance, you insist that homosexuality is strictly a choice, yet the most recent scientific evidence does not support that conclusion.

A: Being a scientific being I know you can go online and find studies that contradict each other. So the only reliable thing in our life is our religion. Very simply it is God who made us and he’s the one who has the owner’s manual. He couldn’t just make a homosexual and also have all religions telling that homosexuals are going to be punished.

Q: We hear you are in great demand in Cairo as a sex therapist. A: During the summer I expect I will be working 10 hours a day because Egyptian couples who live elsewhere all come back to Cairo on vacation and want to book a session. You’re talking about 75 million people in Egypt, and I am the only therapist with a degree in clinical sexology. I wish Egypt had millions of therapists, I’d be more relaxed. The only others specialists are gynecologists, and they are only seeing the women.

Q: Could your show have happened anywhere but in Egypt?

A: I’m proud to be Egyptian. We are free to be whether one is religious or non-religious. God’s message is there and people are free to act or not act on it.

Q: Are you recognized now in public because of the show?

A: Always. Just now, in the airport, inside the plane and outside, everyone said hello. All of them say they benefit from the show.

WORLD'S FIRST ONLINE (HALAL)
MUSLIM EROTIC SEX SHOP



www.elasira.com (Middle East Online)

First online Muslim sex shop launched in Netherlands Iqbal Tamimi

Webshop targets married Muslim couples as alternative to sites unacceptable in Islam.

THE HAGUE
Candid but demure, an online sex shop for Muslims has been launched in the Netherlands to tap into a demand for erotica that does not offend Sharia law.

"We had about 70,000 hits in the first four days," founder Abdelaziz Aouragh said of his site that went online last week and claims to be the world's first erotic webshop for Muslims. The 29-year-old Dutch national said it targets married Muslim couples as an alternative to sites "that focus on pornography and the extravagant side of erotica" -- things forbidden in Islam.

The home page of El Asira, which means "Society" in Arabic, is a sober black and grey street with a line down the center, inviting women to enter on the left and men on the right. Once inside, clients can browse in Dutch, Arabic or English through more than a dozen products, mainly massage oils, lubricants and tablets that claim to act as aphrodisiacs.

All ingredients are halal, or "permissible under Islam", said Aouragh, and conspicuously absent are dildos, vibrators and any type of pornography. "Most of the other products out there have pictures of naked people or foul language -- it was very difficult to find ones that I could use in my business," he said. Instead, the website shows only photos of boxes, tablets, tubes and bottles -- mainly in pink or blue with the brand's logo, a black flame. "We have chosen a respectful approach," it says, proclaiming itself "a novelty in the Islamic world".

In one sense, it is also a very Dutch product -- like Aouragh himself. Of Moroccan parentage, he was born and raised in Amsterdam and remains a practicing Muslim while embracing typically Dutch tolerance and search for consensus. He says he, like many, used to think Islam looked upon sexuality as taboo until his friend-turned business partner Stefan Delsink prompted him to look further.

"There is a very stereotypical idea both inside and outside the community on Muslim sexuality," he said. So Aouragh, who is married, set about consulting Islamic religious leaders and scholars to see what his business venture could sell and to whom. "I have learnt a lot about what Islam says about sexuality, about how important it is to have a healthy sex life," he said.

Muslim clerics like Dutch Imam Abdul Jabbar see no harm in Aouragh's site. "As long as he doesn't sell sex toys or those sorts of things there is no problem," he said, adding: the Prophet Mohammad gave lots of advice about sex in marriage and "there need not be any shame." Aouragh, who also works for a firm that provides assistance to disabled people in public places like airports, contends his website has another goal, amidst tension over Muslims and Muslim immigrants in Europe. In the Netherlands -- where Muslims account for five percent of the 16.5 million population -- strains have continued.

Today, support is growing for the far-right, anti-Islamic Party for Freedom (PVV). Its leader Geert Wilders wants to ban the holy Koran, and wants a tax on wearing head scarves.

"Everybody is talking about Islam in a negative way," said Aouragh. "I am trying to get something positive out of the dark."

"Muslims also have to deal with stereotypical prejudices by some non-Muslims on the topic of sexuality within the Islam," he said. "We want to share with other Muslims in a positive way our contribution to a broader view of sexuality and eroticism within the Muslim community," the website says, "for Muslims themselves, as for others."

Not all want to enter the debate. Leyla Cakir, chairwoman of the Dutch Muslim women's organisation Al Nisa, said: "This is not a topic with which we choose to involve ourselves".

DID YOU KNOW THAT:

SEX WITH A PARTNER IS 400% BETTER THAN DONE WITHOUT A PARTNER ?

(Ed Note:
Islamic teachings emphasize the importance of marriage and recommend early marriage if feasible. In the sexual arena, Islam as a religion has one of the best system of checks and balances in terms of encouraging Muslims to enjoy sex but within the guidelines of being in a halal union of husband and wife).

LOVERS know only too well that men usually need a "recovery period" after orgasm, and that sexual intercourse with orgasm is more satisfying than an orgasm from masturbation alone. Now scientists think the two phenomena might be linked. Following orgasm, the hormone prolactin is released into the bloodstream in both men and women. The hormone makes us feel satiated by countering the effect of dopamine, which is released during sexual arousal.

Stuart Brody of the University of Paisley, UK, and Tillmann Krüger of the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology in Zurich, measured blood prolactin levels in male and female volunteers who watched erotic films before engaging in masturbation or sexual intercourse to orgasm in the laboratory. Surprisingly, after orgasm from sexual intercourse, the increase in blood prolactin levels is 400 per cent higher in both sexes compared with after orgasm from masturbation (Biological Psychology, vol 71, p 312).

This explains why orgasm from intercourse is more satisfying than masturbation, says Brody. Since elevated levels of prolactin have been linked to erectile dysfunction, this may also explain why most men need a recovery period after sex.

(Are they too, reading the E-Zine: VOICE OF GLOBAL UMMAH ?)

THE END