Volume 143, August 8, 2010
St. Louis, Missouri, USA

Editors: Mohamed & Rashida Ziauddin

In the Name of Allah, the Most Beneficent and the Most Merciful


"Human beings are obsessed with sex. According to psychologists,(www.authorsden.com) men think in sex about fifty times per day. That is a lot considering that during most of the day they are supposedly working, studying or doing some other productive activity. Women are not obsessed with sex but they are fixated with love and that ultimately ends up leading to the bed". (www.authorsden.com/charlesasabillon)

Sex is a primal urge, a natural source of pleasure, a way of physically connecting and expressing love and a deep spiritual experience. If sex is perceived as evil, nakedness and perversion then it is not possible to see it as an experience of bliss, source of pleasure and joy.

Islamic teachings indicate a clear understanding of the nature of man. Holy Quran mentions about man being weak. In many of its beautiful verses, Holy Quran emphasizes the importance of strong bonding between a husband and wife. Knowing the weakness of man, Islamic teachings strongly encourage sincere and frequent zikr (remembrance of Allah) which helps to stream line and guide the consciousness , intention and behavior in the right path.

Looking at a member of the opposite sex (stimulus) from a sexual perspective is equally discouraged (failing which the basal instincts of man are activated) possibly leading to one or more problems and/or ongoing dissatisfaction.

Continues activation of above stimulus with no transformation of such wishes or fantasies into realistic action may lead to continued subtle personal dissatisfaction and significant increase in sexual frustration. Such a man can never fulfill all his instant sexual wishes and at times may even get into legal problems and possibly end up in jail.

Because sex is a taboo subject for many Muslims, any problems associated with it is literally pushed under the rug and not addressed. This generally results in the problem remaining untreated and silent-ongoing suffering by the individual with negative consequences.

In terms of problematic sexual behaviors, many Muslims are quick to label the individual with such problems as being "bad" "evil" & influenced by Shaitan and/or having received the curse of Allah.

As Editors of this issue, we strongly encourage the Ummah to see such problems from a CLINICAL perspective which then opens up a myriad of possibilities for being successfully treated. Below is an example under a case study.

In terms of secular model of treatment, Psychotherapist Marek Ruzdziewicz says conventional sex therapy does not address or really consider spiritual aspects of sex. For practicing Muslims who base their life on the gems of Holy Quran and Hadith, the field or Islamic oriented sex therapy is still in the embryonic stage.

At the time of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), the Sahaabah were not too shy to ask about all affairs, including sexual matters, so as to know the teachings of Islam in these matters.

As Aisha (RA), the wife of the Prophet testified:
"Blessed are the women of the Ansar. Shyness did not stand in their way of seeking knowledge about their religion."

The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said:
"There is no shyness in matters of religion."

We believe that the above applies to sex too, because even a Muslim's sexual behavior be it between husband and wife (positive act) or wrong sexual acts such as Zina (adultery) are connected to Islam in terms of reward or punishment.

Both the Holy Quran and Prophet Mohamed (SAW) had strongly emphasized on seeking knowledge. Needless to say that seeking knowledge was not just confined to KNOWLEDGE OF ISLAM but to all the other fields too.

As referred to in the earlier paragraph, below is an example to highlight the consequences of ignoring the CLINICAL aspects of problematic unintended sexual behavior.



A young non-practicing Muslim male who was a womanizer, alcoholic & drug addict finally began significantly changing his life in a dramatic new way after he was recommended by a friend to go out of town with tabligh jamaat. To many of those who knew him real well, his positive change was almost a miracle, thanks to the mercy and blessings of Allah he stopped above vices and seemed to move towards becoming a practicing Muslim in day to day life.

However on one particular trip that he made with his tabligh jamaat members, while asleep within the Mosque close to his tabligh jamaat brothers, he made inappropriate sexual moves towards a brother who was sleeping next to him. This created problems between the brother and others within the tabligh group and the Ameer (leader) expelled him from the group accusing him of being under the influence of Shaitan.

The brother felt humiliated, disappointed and stressed leading to his complete disassociation from his local Tabligh jamaat. Having historically learnt to cope with stress by resorting to alcohol and drugs, he again relapsed and went back to his old vices.


Did the Ameer (Leader) make the right decision to expel the brother from the tabligh jamaat ? Was the brother under the influence of Shaitan OR was the Ameer lacking the clinical knowledge to understand the clinical problem that the brother had ? If it was a clinical issue, was it fair for the brother to have received such a punitive response of expulsion ? Last but not the least, let's analyze if the brother suffered from SEXSOMNIA (making sexual advances towards another person while asleep).


Understanding Sexsomnia:

Everyone has heard of the sleepwalker, the sleep eater and the sleep talker. However, there is another sleep disorder that people are less likely to discuss: sexsomnia.

What is Sexsomnia?

Sexsomnia, also called sex sleep, was first identified in 1996 and is a classified sleep disorder characterized as a non-rapid-eye-movement (N-REM) parasomnia. (A parasomnia is a disorder characterized by partial arousal during sleep or during transitions between wake and sleep).

People who experience sexsomnia engage in sex while sleeping, though they have no memory of their actions once they wake up. The intensity of this sleep sex varies, with some sexsomnia victims merely moaning and groping, and others engaging in sexual activity either with themselves or with another person in the bed. On the extreme end of the scale are those who become violent and dangerous while performing sexual acts. Specific causes of the disorder are unknown, but some scientists believe that there is a genetic component involved with sexsomnia. Research also suggests that sleep sex is caused by a genuine sleep disorder combined with other emotional problems.

Who Suffers from Sexsomnia?

Researchers believe that sexsomnia affects between one-tenth to one percent of the population, although this estimate might not be accurate, since so many people are too ashamed to seek help. At the present time, it is believed that mostly adult men suffer from the disorder.

Effects of Sexsomnia

It is important to seek medical help for this condition, as a sufferer may experience many negative emotions, including:




These negative emotions often lead to tremendous stress. Clearly, relationships are put to the test when couples have to deal with this awkward and sometimes dangerous problem. Also, many sexsomnia sufferers are concerned about legal issues, as sexual advances occurring during sleep can be unwanted and violent.

"Addressing triggering factors - stress or sleep deprivation - can help, while Michael Mangan, a psychologist at the University of New Hampshire in the US has set up a website to help sufferers.
Meanwhile, Trajanovic is devising a procedure for diagnosing sexsomnia in legal cases where sufferers have been accused of sexual assault".

Treatment of Sexsomnia:

Treatment for sexsomnia may combine medication, therapy and lifestyle changes. Triggers, such as stress and alcohol, should be avoided. Lifestyle changes, to help reduce stress and anxiety, may also be incorporated into a personal program to best fit an individual's specific needs.

Additionally, doctors may prescribe the drug clonazepam, which has been effective for some individuals suffering from this parasomnia.
Sexsomnia is a chronic condition, and, therefore, treatment is essential. Seeking help can increase awareness and understanding and can help both individuals and couples deal with this disorder in a constructive and understanding way. (www.sleepdeprivation.com)

As we could see from the above paradoxical case study, a Muslim brother who reformed himself from the real shaitan elements of the society had ultimately due to lack of clinical knowledge of the Ameer (leader) ended up being branded to be under the very influence of the shaitan.



Most people have a significant level of “discomfort” discussing the issue of sex. Have you wondered what is your level of discomfort in a scale from 1 to 10, where 1 is “No discomfort at all” to 10 which is “extreme discomfort”.

The most taboo elements of society are also the most misunderstood and sex is no exception.

According to Der Spigel’s article on “Sex and Islam” a part of it was how the Web is changing the Islamic world that had erected strict taboos
around sex.

The Internet is a refuge for hidden desires, even though it offers only virtual relief. Google Trends, a new service offered by the
search engine, provides a way to demonstrate how difficult it is to banish forbidden yearnings from Muslims. By entering the term "sex" into Google Trends, one obtains a ranked list of cities, countries and languages in which the term was entered most frequently.

to Google Trends, the Pakistanis search for "sex" most often, followed by the Egyptians. Iran and Morocco are in fourth and fifth, Indonesia is in seventh and Saudi Arabia in eighth place. The top city for "sex" searches is Cairo . When the terms "boy sex" or "man boy sex" are entered (many Internet filters catch the word "gay"), Pakistan, Iran, Saudi Arabia and Egypt are the first four countries listed.


The clinical treatment of any problem that is not properly understood is likely to be ineffective resulting in prolonged suffering to the individual.

One has to be very careful when discussing above issue and one needs to have a balanced approach. On one hand we are in NO way suggesting anyone to deal
with above topic to the point of being indicative of advocating sexual permissiveness.

On the other hand, we DO NOT approve the practice of completely
covering the above complex topic and its related problems literally under the rug by saying “it is a personal matter and should not be discussed any further”.

Lack of active discussion on above topic leads to multiple misunderstandings and lack of facts makes it easier for certain Muslims to twist the Islamic
gems out of context and essentially not only violate Islamic principles but also cause undue harm to one’s spouse.

Most of our discussion with regard to
addressing the identification and treatment of sexual problems is in terms of a Muslim couple.

Sheik Muhammed Sali Al-Munajjid in his book “ MUHARRAMAAT PROHIBITIONS TAKEN TOO LIGHTLY” stated:

“Some husbands even deceive their wives who may be too
shy to ask a scholar about this matter, they tell them that this (anal sex) is halaal, and they may even misquote the following aayah from the Holy Quran to support their claim: “YOUR WIVES ARE A TITLTH FOR YOU, SO GO YOUR TILTH WHEN OR HOW YOU WILL”. (Surah al-Baqarah 92:223).

But the facts are contrary to the above by below two hadiths.
“Whoever has intercourse with a menstruating women, with a woman in her rectum or goes to a fortune-teller has disbelieved in what was revealed to Mohamed.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi from Abu Hurayrah, 1/243; see also Saheeh al-Jaami, 5918).

Abu Hurayrah reported that the Prophet (SAW) stated:
“The one who has intercourse with a woman in her rectum is cursed”. (Reported by Imaam Ahmad,
2/479, see also Saheeh al-Jaami, 5865).

The Prophet Mohamed (SAW) stated that it is permitted to have intercourse with one’s wife in whatever way one wishes whether approaching from the
front or the back, so long as intercourse is in the place from which a child is born. ….It is also well known that anal intercourse is haraam even if both parties consent to it:


In terms of treatment, if the difficulties arising from sexually related issues continues to be crushed under the rug and not addressed, then problems due to misunderstandings
and misinterpretations are likely to increase with no hope of successful treatment and resolution to it.

Let’s analyze two examples:


A Muslim female had an Ob/Gyn surgery and the Dr had recommended a particular time frame for healing and to abstain from
sexual relations until then. However when the time frame was almost coming close to an end, the client’s husband could not muster any more “sabr” or patience and went ahead and had sexual relations with her (voluntary consent), resulting in increased pain to her private part.

Not able to withstand the pain, she went to
her Dr on an unscheduled appt but had to wait for too long in the lobby. Being very shy and much against her own wishes, she gathered enough strength to go and explain to the receptionist in a low tone about the urgency to see her Dr since her husband had relations with her last night.

The receptionist told her
to remain seated in the lobby and left the reception area to talk to the patient's Doctor.

Not before long, the police arrested the client’s husband and charged
him with sexual abuse.

The client was shocked (and was against her husband's arrest) & stated that she told the receptionist about her husband mainly to be seen earlier since her pain
continued to increase, while she was impatiently waiting in the lobby area. The client had no idea that her above disclosure would lead to her husband’s arrest.

The wife stated that in Islam she should not reject a husband’s sexual request and voluntarily gave in to her husband's request to have sex because she felt that anyway she was nearing the
timeframe of Dr’s recommended sexual abstinence period. She referred to the hadith: “If a man calls his wife to his bed, and she refuses, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning”.

We would like to clarify that each hadith is applicable within a particular context. In above case of the client, the above hadith
may not be applicable due to her medical condition (post status surgery healing). From above, we see how an issue of lack of patience on the husband, misinterpretation on the part of the wife of a hadith in terms of the context had led to major legal problems for her husband and devastation to the whole family.


Muslims are not immune from problems faced in the general community. We already know for a fact that Muslims definitely have medical and psychological problems. Besides medical and psychological problems, some of them have sexual problems too. While in general, there are resources in the form of hospitals, clinics and private providers offering treatment for both medical and psychological problems, there are extremely few if any resources to offer treatment for psycho-sexual problems. In reality, there are millions of Muslims who silently continue to suffer and are reluctant to seek treatment for a wide variety of reasons. To better understand the dynamics of sexual disorders, we analyzed examples pertaining to sexual sadism and masochism).


(Details under Clinical Perspective Below: If yes, would successful treatment have significantly reduced his partner's suffering).

Alexis Asher in her book “PLEASE DON’T LET HIM HURT ME ANYMORE” gave an example of a sexually abused female:

“I was smothered during sex. I sustained internal injuries. My breasts and genitals were often bruised. I sometimes ended up torn and bleeding. I was forced to model “sexy” clothes or re-enact scenes from the pornographic movies he rented and I was humiliated or injured if I refused or didn’t seem enthusiastic enough. …Once, my husband ruptured a disc in my lower back by pushing me up against a wall and twisting my body into an unnatural position during sex. Despite doctor’s orders, he insisted on having sex, while I recovered from injury. My moans of pain only seemed to give him pleasure. Because of the constant aggravation to my back, it took much longer to heal than it should have. I learned to “go blank” during an assault. I fantasized about dying. After one particularly brutal and degrading experience, I slipped out of bed, went into the bathroom and found myself quietly and desperately searching for a razor blade. I felt backed into a corner. I suffered silently, guarding a secret shame. I was too humiliated to reach out for help".


The recurrent urge or behavior involving acts in which the pain or humiliation of a person is sexually exciting.

There are different theories related to sexual sadism, many stemming from the psychoanalytic camp. They suggest that childhood trauma (e.g., sexual abuse) or significant childhood experiences can manifest itself in exhibitionistic behavior.


DSM-IV-TR requires the following criteria be met for a Sadist:

1. Recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviours involving acts (real, not simulated) in which the psychological or physical suffering (including humiliation) of the victim is sexually exciting for the person, have been present for at least 6 months.

2. The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors cause clinically significant stress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of function.


Sexually sadistic behaviors are typically evident by early adulthood, and often start with masochistic or sadistic play in childhood. The disorder is characterized by either intense sexually arousing fantasies, urges, or behaviors in which the individual is sexually aroused by causing humiliation or physical suffering of another person.


Treatment typically involves psychotherapy aimed at uncovering and working through the underlying cause of the behavior.


Prognosis is good although often there are other issues which may surface once the behaviors are extinguished. If this is the case, these issues must be worked through as well. (allpsych.com)


(Details under Clinical Perspective Below) If yes, would successful treament helped resolve her husband's dilemma ?

A Muslim male husband requested help with his dilemma. He stated that he was trying to follow Islam to the best of his ability but does not know, how to deal with his wife. He quoted few verses from Holy Quran and sayings from Hadith to emphasize that he should be kind and gentle to his wife. But his dilemma was that only during sex she wanted him to be rough and hard to her and her sexual experience and subsequent orgasm was not complete until he causes her enough pain. He wanted help as to how to deal with his wife who contradicts what Islam teaches him in terms of husband-wife relations.



The recurrent urge or behavior of wanting to be humiliated, beaten, bound, or otherwise made to suffer for sexual pleasure.

There are different theories related to sexual masochism, many stemming from the psychoanalytic camp. They suggest that childhood trauma (e.g., sexual abuse) or significant childhood experiences can manifest itself in exhibitionistic behavior.


Sexually masochistic behaviors are typically evident by early adulthood, and often start with masochistic or sadistic play in childhood. The disorder is characterized by either intense sexually arousing fantasies, urges, or behaviors in which the individual is humiliated, beaten, bound, or made to suffer in some way.


Treatment typically involves psychotherapy aimed at uncovering and working through the underlying cause of the behavior.


Prognosis is good although often there are other issues which may surface once the behaviors are extinguished. If this is the case, these issues must be worked through as well.



Researchers in London , UK found in a study that stress of modern life is playing havoc on sexual relationships. “Stress caused by work difficulties, financial worries and tiredness are said to affect up to 15 million Britons.


Denise Knowles, a relationship counselor stated: “This research really emphasizes the extent to which sexual problems, including stress, take on a bigger significance within the relationship”. Denise continues- “I have worked with many couples who are so embarrassed about intimate health complaints that it has caused a huge breakdown in communication and put serious pressure on the relationship.


Dr. Annie Evans, a Women’s health specialists at Nuffield Hospital in Bristol , said:"Sometimes, it’s easier to ignore sexually-related health problems than to address them. However, it’s important to seek advice and help, as many treatments are available. By ignoring physical symptoms, both men and women leave themselves at risk of the problems becoming more serious and less easy to put right”.


In the light of the above, how could a Muslim couple learn new skills to share with each other about a great physical experience that they had in their marriage ? What kind of signal could the partner give out to let the other know that he or she is “in the mood” ?
What role could the Muslim Psychotherapists and Muslim Sexologists play in educating the Muslim couple on the topic of Sex and Stress Management and to recharge and tune up their marital relationships within the limitations of Islam. What tools they could offer to the Muslim couple to get recharged and tuned up in order to “get in the mood” when one is too stressed for sex.


Many well meaning Muslim Professionals of the Healing Arts by inadvertently taking on the role of “MORAL POLICEMAN” and equating “sex with bad” have lost the ability to find solutions to sexual problems faced by the vulnerable Muslims.

According to Saade Abadaalh, “Allah has created a cure for every illness. It’s upto the people to discover the cure”.

This is applicable not only for medical problems but also for sexual problems that may arise in a marital relationship. The importance of having an open mind and willingness to problem solve such taboo issues cannot be overstated.

In the website www.allahuakbar.net, it is told:

“Islam is freedom, it upholds free will and encourages rational thought; it recognizes only that virtue or sin which an individual earns is through free action and choice. Within its parameters is a code of behavior, a complete social pattern for man and for woman, that looks out to the whole of life through the harmony of a balanced state.

How can the Ummah translate the above “balanced state” in this delicate and taboo issue.

In a study by Karen Matthews Ph.D and Linda Gallo Ph.d, they found that “Marriage appears to be beneficial to women's health, but only when marital satisfaction is high, New Research Shows”.

From an Islamic perspective, how best can a Muslim couple use the gems from Islam to work towards not only achieving but also consistently maintaining a high level of marital satisfaction ?


According to Dr. Julie Damp MD, Cardiologist at Vanderbilt Heart and Vascular Institute:

“Being involved in a healthy loving relationship is good for the heart”.

Most of the theories seem to be related to the fact that people who are married or who are in close, healthy relationships tend to be less likely to smoke, are more physically active and more likely to have a well-developed social structure. Along with that, they are more likely to have lower levels of stress and anxiety in their day-to-day lives. (Newsmax.com).

According to the writer and counselor Abdul Lateef Abdullah in his article “Justifying Irreligious Behavior using Religion- Gender Relations”:

“One of the most misunderstood areas of religion particularly within Islamic teachings, is relations between men and women. ……"The mutual WORK that is required of each individual in Islam – the jihad al-akbar- in which we all must engage through our life course, is the very foundation of the ideal male-female relationship in Islam. Marriage, for example, in traditional spiritual teachings is often referred to as a mutually supportive path towards self- and God-realization, where the goal is not the other, but God Himself".

"The role of the relationship or partnership on this path is to support one another with tenderness, kindness, open communication, and strength towards achieving this goal. The ideal is that each partner focuses on giving, not receiving, in the spirit of service. This can only occur, however, if each partner understands that the relationship itself does not exist for the purpose of power, subordination, or solely for the fulfillment of sensual desires. It is a truly spiritual partnership, where inherent differences are acknowledged, respected and appreciated, thus meeting in cooperation to further the mutual goal of achieving true love.
This difficult process, however, requires mutual commitment towards personal wholeness, which can only be achieved through dedicated to self and God-realization. When men and women as individuals are complete and whole, at peace with who they are , and filled with love of God, they have no need to seek another to complete themselves".


“Among the innumerable signs of the Creator is that He has created for your spouses from the same species that you may find tranquility and has facilitated love and compassion between you. Surely, in this there are signs for those who reflect”.

Prophet Mohamed (SAW) stated: “The honorable men treat women honorably; and only a mean person treats women with contempt”. Ibn Assakir “When the Prophet was alone with his wives (they say), he used to be MOST LOVING, AND MOST GENEROUS, LAUGHING AND SMILING A LOT”. Ibn Assakir.

According to a University of California - Irvine study, even the expectations of a laugh boosts stress-busting hormones and increases hormones that induce relaxation- an effect that can last for up to 24 hours.

“Prophet Mohamed (SAW) did not carry out any conversation without a smile. (Musnad of Ahmad).

Have a good sense of humor, you don’t need to present yourself as a “very serious person” all the time. Try to be cheerful with your wife as much as possible.

Prophet Mohamed (SAW) would race with his wife Aisha-radi Allah – anha in the desert. When was the last time we did like that?

Prophet Mohamed (SAW) stated:
“The best of you are those who treat their families the best”.

Ask yourself whether you treated your family the best. Cross check your assumptions with feedback you obtain from the family to confirm the accuracy of your assumptions.

Imam Mohamed Baianonie in one of his Friday Speeches on the Topic of “Building the Muslim Family” stated:

“The Quran clarifies that the normal marital life is a life of unity between the spouses. Even though they are two entities, they are in reality one unit in everything, in emotions, feelings, and sleeping place. They are unified when working for the present and when working for their hope of the future. Allah (SAT) describes the nature of the marital life, in Surat Al-Baqarah (verse 187), what can be translated as “They are Libas (clothes) i.e body cover, or screen for you and you are the same for them”. Imam Al-Qurtubi says, in interpreting these words: Wearing is established with clothing, and mingling of two spouses with each other is called clothing because they join together and mingle with each other and stick by each other just like clothes on the body.

The Holy Quran emphasizes that this special unity between the spouses is one of the great signs of Allah (SWT) and a blessing from his greater blessings: Allah (SAT) says in Surat Ar-Room (Verse 21), what can be translated as: ”And among His signs is this, that He created for your spouses for yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect”.

"Imam Ash-Shawkaani in interpreting this verses clarifies that nature of this special relationship between the two spouses. He says,”…that you may find rest in them….” Means to feel comfortable with and be attracted to. One cannot feel comfortable but with the other and does not get attracted to anyone but to the other.”…..And He has put between you mawadah and rahmah” means deep love and mercy because of marriage so that one will feel sympathetic with the other without any previous knowing of each other, or love or mercy between you; indeed a great sign from Allah” .



Prophet Mohamed (SAW) stated:
“You shall not enter Paradise until you have faith, and you shall not have faith until
you love one another. Have compassion on those who are on earth, and He Who is in Heaven will have compassion for you.”

Volume 142, August 1, 2010
St. Louis, Missouri, USA

Editorial Couple: Mohamed & Rashida Ziauddin

In the Name of Allah, the Most Beneficent and the Most Merciful



1400 years ago, our Prophet Mohamed (SAW) enlightened mankind on different gems of wisdom which were timeless in value and is now being backed up and confirmed by science to be beneficial to mankind in a multitude of ways.

JORDAN: Veiled brides line up as they prepare to take part in a mass wedding for 58 couples in Amman, July 24, 2009. REUTERS/Majed JaberAmit Dave-Reuters. www.washingtonpost.com

When it was revealed in the Holy Quran that MANKIND IS ONE BUT ONE COMMUNITY, during the 5th century, with the extremely limited network of global communication (if any) it really did not mean much compared to the current period which is loaded with hi-tech communication among people across the globe. Those days the transport was primarily with camels and horses even for long transnational & transcontinental journeys and there was virtually no instant communication across countries except for personal messages delivered by a King's representative.

However today we have several multiple hi tech communications that enables us to instantly know what's going on, on the other side of the globe "LIVE" via video-phone, Internet, satellite/TV et.c. Indeed the Quranic verse of MANKIND IS BUT ONE COMMUNITY is more relevant today than 1400 years ago.

In the same way, many of the teachings of Prophet Mohamed (SAW) and verses of Holy Quran are more relevant today than ever before and this includes the field of human relationships and more particular fostering love through emotional, physical and sexual bonding between husband and wife who then have children and form the smallest social unit - FAMILY.

It is mentioned in the Holy Quran:


(SAUDI ARABIA: Saudi couple during wedding: librarythinkquest.org)

"Allah created male and female from a single soul in order that man might live with her in serenity (Quran, 7:189) (and not in unhappiness, frustration and strife).

Islam is a religion of self-discipline as evidenced in almost all its teachings. The same self-discipline applies in the field of Islamic Sexology which means all love and sex is within the boundaries of husband-wife relationship which begins after marriage.

JORDAN. Veiled brides www. ibtimes



(Turkish bride: hilalplaza.com)

Muslim brides show their hands decorated with henna paste as they wait for the start of a mass marriage ceremony in the western Indian city of Ahmedabad. A total of 12 Muslim couples from the city took wedding vows on Sunday during the mass wedding ceremony, organizers said.



(Muslim couple: trendsupdate.com)

INDIA: Brides wait for a mass wedding ceremony to begin in Ahmedabad, India. A total of 81 Muslim couples took wedding vows during the mass marriage ceremony organized by a Muslim volunteer organization.


TURKEY: turkeyculture.blogspot.com

INDIA: Muslim brides take part in a mass wedding ceremony in Mumbai June 15, 2009. A total of 30 Muslim couples, from various parts of western Indian state of Maharashtra, took their wedding vows on Monday during the day-long mass marriage ceremony. (Agencies)

(Turkish couple: withloveistanbul.blogspot

(Uzbekistan Muslim Wedding: europeandcis.undp.org)

(Wedding of Iranian couple: ibtimes.com

Bosnian wedding (betulfatma.jeeran.com)

MALAYSIA: Scenic view: Five of the six newlywed Muslim couples posing for a group photo after exchanging their vows on Pantai Sri Tujuh in Tumpat Friday.(thestar.com)

(Iranian Wedding:library.thinkquest.org)

(Chinese Muslim Wedding: islaminchina.wordpress.com)

(Marriage of Indian tennis star Sania Mirza)


(turkish bride: withloveistanbul. com)

TURKEY: 206 couples wave on stage as they wait for their wedding ceremony in Ankara, August 6, 2006. REUTERS/Umit Bektas (ibtimes.com)

LEBANON: Lebanese brides and grooms pose for a souvenir photo during their joint wedding ceremony at the ancient Roman temple of Bakhos in eastern Lebanon, July 29, 2007. REUTERS/Ahmad Shalhaa

TURKEY: Imam with couple www. ibtimes.com

IRAQ: Newlywed couples attend a photo session during a mass wedding reception for about 60 couples in Baghdad, December 7, 2007. REUTERS/Ceerwan Aziz. www.ibtimes.com

Sayings of Holy Prophet Muhammad (SAW) on marriage and said:

(1) "When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."

(2) “Nikah (marriage) is my Sunna. He who shuns my Sunna is not of me.”

(3) "The whole world is pleasure, and the best pleasure of the world is the righteous woman.”

(4) "Four things bring one joy: a righteous wife, a spacious house, a pious neighbor and a comfortable riding animal" (means of transport)"

(5) "The most perfect believer in faith is the one whose character is finest and who is kindest to his wife.'

(6) “Three things of this world of yours have been made beloved to me: Women, perfume, and the delight of my eye has been placed in the Salat.”

(7) "Man would be committing a huge sin if he were to ruin whomever he supports."

“Among my followers the best of men are those who are best to their wives, and the best of women are those who are best to their husbands. To each of such women is set down a reward equivalent to the reward of a thousand martyrs. Among my followers, again, the best of women are those who assist their husbands in their work, and love them dearly for everything, save what is transgression of Allah's laws.'

(9) “What a man spends on his family is a Sadaqa, and a man will be rewarded even for the morsel that he raises to his wife's lips.”

(10) “I counsel you to be kind to your wives, for they are your helpers. You have taken them only as a trust from God, making their private parts lawful through a word.”


(A) The Second Caliph of Islam Hazrat Umar (RA) said:
“After belief in God, a man can have no better gift than a virtuous wife.”

(B) A renowned companion of the Holy Prophet namely Ibn Mas'ud used to say:

“If I had but ten days left to live, I would like to marry, so as not to meet God as a celibate.”

Needless to say, above sayings from our beloved Prophet Mohamed (SAW) emphasize on getting married and on the husband being kind to his wife et.c.

In terms of intimate social relationships, Islam strictly prohibits any participation whatsoever with open marriage, wife swapping, swinging clubs, group orgies et.c.

The Prophet (s) himself said: "Modesty brings nothing but good." (Bukhari and Muslim)

But another, also important, part of Islamic teaching says that all of Allah's creation is beautiful and pure, particularly when it is part of the body of human beings, who are designed as His deputies upon the earth.


The issue of KINK is more complicated in Islam since there is halal kinky behavior and haram kinky behavior. It is okay for a Muslim couple to have halal kinky sexual behavior within the confines of their own privacy. The possibilities are limitless if you have an open mind, are creative and give it a try.

However such kinky behaviors should never include (a) Scat (interest in urine and feces since it violates the Islamic teaching emphasizing cleanliness and purity) (b) Bestiality and (c) Anal sex (all three of which are contradictory to Islamic teachings).

This is due to several considerations in the Sunnah as well as the Qur'an.

First, cleanliness is one of the qualities which Allah, the Exalted, loves. He says:

"Surely God loves those who repent, and He loves those who are always pure." (2:222) He also praised the people of Qiba' and their love of cleanliness, saying, "A mosque which was founded upon piety from the very first day is more worthy be stood in.
In it are men who love to purify themselves, and God loves those who purify themselves." (9:108)

Narrated Abû Mâlik Al-Hârith bin Âsim Al-Ash’ari: Allah’s Messenger said:

“Cleanliness is half of Faith;

Bestiality and Anal Sex is prohibited in Islam.

Islamic views on anal sex are largely condemnatory in terms of religious jurisprudence. Liwat, or the sin of Lot's people, is officially prohibited by most Islamic sects, citing various hadith (traditional sayings of the Prophet found outside the Quran).

Islamic expert and jurist Sheikh Ibn Hajar Haytami (1503-1566) was a classical Muslim scholar who was an expert in Sacred Law (Islamic Law) and a well renowned authority.

In his list of enormities (sins) he listed bestiality (w52.1, 338-43) as a sin, thus clearly showing sex with animals is not allowed in Islam and is deemed as sinful.

Prophet Mohamed (SAW) also stated: "Cursed is he who goes into (has sex with) an animal. Cursed is he who does what the people of Lot did (sodomy; the people of Sodom and Gomorah)".

(Further), most Muslim jurists agree that anal sex is haram, based on the hadith: "Do not have anal sex with women", reported by Ahmad, At-Tirmidhi, Al-Nasa'i and Ibn Majah and the hadith of Abu Dawood, such as Ibn Kathir, Muhammad ibn al Uthaymeen and Muhammad Nasiruddin al-Albani.

Coming back to the issue of romance, love and sex between husband and wife, is sacred but equally enjoyable. Islamic teaching basically encourages having strong sexual bonding between the couple.

Prophet Mohamed (SAW) had given guidance not only for the betterment of the psychological and physical health, but also for the betterment of sexual health. Even science confirms the many benefits of having sex from a psychological and health perspective. Prophet Mohamed (SAW) equated having sex with one's loving partner with getting rewards and strongly encouraged it.


(condensed version)

Hormones in semen may help to ease female depression because women whose partners don't use condoms are less likely to feel down.

Women exposed to their partner's semen during sex may find themselves feeling happier than those who use a condom, say scientists.

Scientists (Gordon Gallup and Colleagues at the State University of New York) in the US believe the mood-altering hormones in semen absorbed through the vagina help to boost women's mood.

Semen contains a range of hormones, including testosterone and oestrogen, both of which have been shown to improve mood.

However, they warned that their findings should not be used to encourage people to practice unsafe sex.

The study, details of which are published in New Scientist magazine, also found that a lack of sexual intercourse made some women depressed .

The scientists also found that depression and suicide attempts were more common among those women whose partners used condoms regularly.


Mr Gallup told the magazine that an extended study on more than 700 women has backed up these findings.

He added that other factors such as how often the women had sex, the strength of their relationships, their personalities or the use of oral contraceptives did not affect the overall conclusions.

But Mr Gallup, whose study will be published in the journal ARCHIVES OF SEXUAL BEHAVIOUR , urged couples to continue to practise safe sex.

"I want to make it clear that we are not advocating that people abstain from using condoms," he said.

"Clearly an unwanted pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease would more than offset any advantageous psychological effects of semen."


God's Messenger(s) said:

"In the sexual act of each of you there is a sadaqa." The Companions replied: "0 Messenger of God! When one of us fulfills his sexual desire, will he be given a reward for that?" And he said, "Do you not think that were he to act upon it unlawfully, he would be sinning? Likewise, if he acts upon it lawfully he will be rewarded." (Muslim)

"Three things are counted inadequacies in a man. Firstly, meeting someone he would like to get to know, and taking leave of him before learning his name and his family. Secondly, rebuffing the generosity that another shows to him. And thirdly, going to his wife and having intercourse with her before talking to her and gaining her intimacy, satisfying his need from her before she has satisfied her need from him." (Daylami)

"Not one of you should fall upon his wife like an animal; but let there first be a messenger between you." "And what is that messenger?" they asked, and he replied: "Kisses and words." (Daylami)

Sex Makes You Brainy, Finds Study

by Silky Chandvani - Sunday, August 1, 2010

Making love is not only beneficial for body and soul, but it also boosts brain's growth and improves performance at the workplace, a new research suggests. Scientists from Princeton University have revealed that people with fulfilling sex lives are less anxious, violent and hostile, as compared to their virgin counterparts.

Study details

A study conducted on rats has suggested that sex apparently can help the brain grow. The research also pointed out that sexually active rodents were less anxious than virgins.
For the research, scientists played matchmaker by coupling adult male rats with "sexually receptive" females, either once per day for two weeks or just once in a two-week period. The two groups were then compared with male virgins and it was found that both the sexually active groups had undergone cell proliferation leading to more neurons in the hippocampus region, improved growth in adult brain cells, and more connection between them.

Hippocampus is a part of the brain linked with memory whose cells are especially sensitive to unpleasant experiences. They also measured levels of stress hormone called glucocorticoids in their blood, which researchers suspected might lie behind the detrimental effects that unpleasant experiences have on the brain. Reportedly, sex triggers the production of prolactin, which thereby sends message to stem cells in the brain to develop new neurons.

Also, the act releases endorphins that relieve stress and introduces a sense of satisfaction. On the other side, rodents who were made to see females only once in two weeks reported elevated levels of stress hormones.The findings appear online in the journal 'PLOS ONE.'

Sex: Previous Researches

Furthermore, it suggests that women having more sex will produce higher levels of estrogen, which in turn protects against heart diseases.

A previous study by South Illinois School Of Medicine on 52 migraine sufferers has shown that having sex can cure severe headaches .
Also, it stated that orgasms boost infection-fighting cells up by 20 percent, thus providing strength against all kinds of infections.

1) Sex Relieves Stress:

3. Sex Burns Calories

5. Sex Boosts Self-Esteem

6. Sex Improves Intimacy

7. Sex Reduces Pain

8. Sex Reduces Prostate Cancer Risk

9. Sex Strengthens Pelvic Floor Muscles

10. Sex Helps You Sleep Better

And getting enough sleep has been linked with a host of other good things, such as maintaining a healthy weight and blood pressure. Something to think about, especially if you've been wondering why your guy can be active one minute and snoring the next.


Brazilians told to get more sex for healthy living:
Locals and tourists enjoy the beach in Copacabana, Rio de Janeiro. One of the best ways Brazilians can stave off chronic illness is to engage regularly in physical exercise, especially sex, Health Minister Jose Gomes Temporao said Monday. (AFP/File/Vanderlei Almeida)

JAPAN: Have more sex, Japanese told

The Japanese Family Planning Association are now running a drive to get couples having more sex. A recent survey of married couples under fifty found they had sex 45 times a year, less than half the world's 103-times-a-year average.

Most Japanese couples complain they are too tired for sex after a hard day's work, so the labour ministry is planning to exempt employees with children under three from overtime and limit them to six-hour days.

Japanese workers are being urged to have more sex. Japan has one of the lowest birth rates in the world and new research shows its population could fall by 30-million in the next 40 years. (Bang.Showbiz.12/08)


Meanwhile in Britain, a survey of 2000 people has found sex to be the most popular free pastime among people, and that people are having more sex overall because of the recent economic downturn - boosting condom sales. (Bang Showbiz 12/08)


(1) Sex-Drive Killer: Stress

(2) Sex-Drive Killer: Relationship Problems

(3) Sex-Drive Killer: Alcohol

(4) Sex-Drive Killer: Too Little Sleep

(5) Sex-Drive Killer: Parenting

(6) Sex-Drive Killer: Medication

(7) Sex Drive Killer: Body Image

(8) Sex-Drive Killer: Obesity

(9) Sex-Drive Killer: Erectile Dysfunction

(10) Sex-Drive Killer: Low T

(11) Sex-Drive Killer: Depression

(12) Sex-Drive Killer: Menopause

(13) Sex-Drive Killer: Too Little Intimacy


10 Tips on How to Be a Successful Husband

Note: Additions in brackets are notes from a sister.

1) Dress Up Dress up for your wife, look clean and smell good. When was the last time us men went shopping for designer pajamas? Just like the husband wants his wife to look nice for him, she also wants her husband to dress up for her too. Remember that Rasulullah (SAW) would always start with Miswak when returning home and always loved the sweetest smells.

(Dress up for your wife when you are at home also. Some brothers only dress up when they go out and that is not a good practice. A husband should dress up for his wife when they are at home. it makes a wife feel special.)

2) Sweet Names
Use the cutest names for your wife. Rasulullah (SAW) had nicknames for his wives, ones that they loved. Call your wife by the most beloved names to her, and avoid using names that hurt their feelings.

(Remember, you are your wife’s only boyfriend, and her only best friend. She does not go out seeking boyfriends and she shares a halal relationship with you. Love her unconditionally for the sake of Allah. And express your love to her. A woman likes to be told that she is loved. Call her from your work to make sure she is doing fine. I have seen my dad calling my mother several times a day, just to make sure she has been eating well. And my husband calls me at least twice from work to make sure I am doing well. These things are very important in a relationship.)

3) Reward Her Actions
Don’t treat her like a fly. We never think about a fly in our daily lives until it ‘bugs’ us. Similarly, a wife will do well all day – which brings no attention from the husband – until she does something to ‘bug’ him. Don’t treat her like this; recognize all the good that she does and focus on that.

(Whenever there is a fight or argument, just remember all the things she does for you. she cooks for you, she takes care of your home, she takes care of your children and the most important thing is that she guards her modesty. So do not upset her if she is upset with you. Hold her and tell her that you love her. Only your love can repel her anger. Communicate with her and discuss with her if there are any misunderstandings.)

4) Remain Silent
If you see wrong from your wife, try being silent and do not comment. This is one of the ways Rasulullah (SAW) used when he would see something inappropriate from his wives. It’s a technique that few Muslim men have mastered.

(Do not criticize her all the time. Trust her and trust her decisions. If she is doing something that you don’t like, or that goes against the teachings of Islam, then do advice her gently.)

5) Smile!
Smile at your wife whenever you see her and embrace her often. Smiling is Sadaqah and your wife is not exempt from the Muslim Ummah. Imagine life with her constantly seeing you smiling. Remember also those Ahadith when Rasulullah (SAW) would kiss his wife before leaving for Salah, even if he was fasting.

(Do let your wife know that you are very happy and blessed to have her. A wife always wonders how her husband feels about her. She may have some insecurity about you, so make her feel secure. Always give her a hug whenever you come back from work. appreciate her and thank her for taking care of everything whole day. If you are not too tired, go out for star gazing for an hour or so.)

6) Acknowledge Her
Thank her for all that she does for you. Then thank her again! Take for example a dinner at your house. She makes the food, cleans the home, and a dozen other tasks to prepare. And sometimes the only acknowledgment she receives is that there needed to be more salt in the soup. Don’t let that be; thank her!

(Write thank you notes for her and place those notes in her books, her purse, her socks, and anything else that belongs to her. You can use your own creativity to thank her. You can thank her by writing something on a mirror with her lipstick, so that she can read it when she wakes up in the morning. You can also thank her by arranging a candlelight dinner AT HOME, you be the cook and let her rest. So far I have learned that a nice romantic dinner at home is much better than going out for dinner. This way a couple saves themselves from many fitnahs. You can thank her by writing her letters and emails. Remember, in Islam, everyday is special. So celebrate wife’s day with her, and do it very often without having a particular date. She will always wonder when the wife’s day is going to be.

You can also give her a certificate of appreciation, or a Best Wife Award on wife’s day. Do everything by yourself that day and let her rest, this way you will also know how difficult it could be to do household chores. Thank her by building a webpage for her, write a note there and a poem and then ask her to visit your webpage. Thank her by recording a voice message on a cd for your wife. She will love it!

Thank her by giving her a gift, and a gift does not have to be expensive. Be creative! You do not have to give her Roses, you can give her a leaf too! (My husband gave me a leaf once, instead of roses, and I was very happy and surprised, and I appreciated his creativity). So remember, thoughtful and creative gifts makes a wife feel secure and happy. Thank her by ordering a halal pizza for her, ask the restaurant to cut it in a heart shape and have it delivered with a personalized note. Thank her by thanking her in a family gathering. A woman likes it when her husband gives her attention.

If you visit her parents or your parents, hold her hands and tell your parents how happy you are after marriage. Give your wife an Islamic book as a gift after praying Tahajjud. Use your imagination and think about unique gifts. Remember, she does not need a diamond, she needs your sincerity and your heart, so always give her the gifts that are thoughtful. Whenever you do something to make her happy, observe her facial expressions and ask yourself about how you feel when you become her happiness.)

7) Ten Blessings From Allah Ask her to write down the last ten things you did for her that made her happy. Then go and do them again. It may be hard to recognize what gives your wife pleasure. You don’t have to play a guessing game–ask her and work on repeating those things in your life.

(Also ask her to write down the things you did that she did not like, or the things you did that made her unhappy. Try to not do those things in future. If she falls ill, let her lay down, and read different surahs from Qur’an while placing your hand on her forehead. When I got sick, my husband recited Qur’an for me, it really helped a lot masha Allah. Remember, a wife needs her husband the most when she is not feeling well. Take good care of her because a healthy wife makes a healthy family. Do not expect too much from her when she is sick.)

8) Validate her Feelings Don’t belittle her desires. Comfort her. Sometimes the men may look down upon the requests of their wives. Rasulullah (SAW) set the example for us in an incident when Safiyyah (SAW) was crying because, as she said, he had put her on a slow camel. He wiped her tears, comforted her, and brought her the camel.

(If there is a time of sadness, give her your shoulder to cry on. Hold her and tell her that everything will be fine. Alhamdulillah, my husband and my dad are amongst those Muslim husbands who would even have tears in their eyes if their wives are sad. Remember, a woman does not like to cry alone in a corner. She needs someone to hold her when she is sad, so never let her feel lonely. Remind her the verses from Qur’an that talks about Patience and Piety.)

9) Have Fun!
Be humorous and play games with your wife. Look at how Rasulullah (SAW) would race his wife Aisha (RAA) in the desert. When was the last time we did something like that?

(A sense of humor plays a very important role in a marital relationship. Most women wish to have a husband who has a good sense of humor. Tell her decent and modest jokes that make her happy. A wife appreciates it very much if her husband makes her smile. You can play various games at home. Play with crayons, or have a pillow fight. Or hide different notes in your bedroom and ask her to find it. Think of different games you can both play. Let her win sometimes.

Adopt interesting hobbies, such as reading, cooking together and gardening. Grow a surprise rose plant in your garden, when you have the first rose blooming, take her to the garden and show it to her. Newspaper and Sports Issue! Men like to watch sports, or read newspaper. Most Pakistani wives consider newspaper as their co-wives. So be very careful. If you are watching sports, turn the TV off if your wife comes around. Give her attention. Do not spend too much time reading newspaper, and do not read newspaper on the breakfast table, rather have an Islamic discussion. If you want to get her to like newspaper, then try to find something that interests her. Such as, try to find a news about Hijab. Or try to find a news about Muslim women for her.)

10) Be The Best Always remember the words of Allah’s Messenger (SAW): “The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best amongst you to my family.” Try to be the best! In conclusion: Never forget to make Dua to Allah ta'ala to make your marriage successful. And Allah ta’ala knows best!

(And once again: your wife is your best friend, and your girlfriend. Share everything with her. Remember she is your garment and you are her garment, so hide her faults and mistakes. Learn to forgive her. Also communicate a lot with her family. It really makes a difference if husband communicates with his in laws. It helps both husband’s and wife’s family to share a beautiful relationship. Respect her parents and show your love to her family. This will inspire her to love and respect your family. If her family is not Muslim, do dawah to them in a beautiful way.

Spend lots of time praying to Allah swt. Do fast often even if it is not Ramadan. Fasting brings patience and taqwah. Lead her in the prayer. There is nothing better than praying together).

Remember Allah, so that Allah remembers you.

May Allah bless us and guide us all.


Alshareef, Muhammad. “[10 Tips] How to Be a Successful Husband.” IslamWay. 24 Apr. 2007.

Sister El Kawthar posted this first at: http://elkawthar.wordpress.com/ten-tips-towards-being-a-successful-husband/


Dr. Heba Kotb:
A leading Professional in the field of ISLAMIC SEXOLOGY:

Chicago Sun-Times.

Sex and Muslims:
Dr. Heba Kotb, TV sexologist to the Arab world, discusses
female pleasure, Islamic sex and curing homosexuality

Veiled by a hijab, Dr. Heba Kotb appears weekly on a hit Arab TV show called "The Big Talk" with a message for Muslims: Have more sex -- and hot sex -- in the name of Allah. Dr. Kotb, the first licensed sexologist in Egypt, believes that sex is a gift Allah intended for humans; her divine mission is to make sure that they're enjoying it. Every week, viewers throughout the Muslim world flood her station with calls, hoping to have their most intimate questions answered on-air.

All sorts of sexual queries are allowed, with one snag: Sexual relations outside of marriage are haram (prohibited by Islam) and not open to discussion.
"On her show, Big Talk, Kotb answers questions from Muslims all over the Middle East about the most intimate bedroom issues with an openness that is shocking and revolutionary in a society where discussing the subject is taboo. “How do I talk about these issues? Very seriously,” the Egyptian sexologist says. ”I put on a mask-like face and make sure I speak in the right tone of voice,” she adds. She also does it by talking about sex in an Islamic light, arguing that the faith is in favor of pleasure for both men and women, with one important caveat that it be only in the context of marriage.

“I'm very proud of my religion,” Dr. Kotb said in an interview at Cairo University, where she teaches forensic medicine. “My studies revealed to me more and more how Islam was ahead in all sexual matters ... I discovered that Islam understood sex long before the rest of the world,” she adds.
For example, Islam “stresses the importance of foreplay,” Kotb said, and she often stresses to listeners that women should also enjoy sex. Kotb's frankness is a hit in a region where sex education is minimal, male-female contact is often discouraged and talk on the subject is usually in hushed tones, allowing myths to circulate freely.

She lectured in Saudi Arabia and Yemen recently, where she said many men in the audience where shocked, while women some with veiled faces bombarded her with questions.
Kotb, 39 and married with three daughters, studied sexology at Maimonides University, a private school in Florida, and combined it with her own knowledge of her religion to produce a dissertation titled Sexuality in Islam. She opened a sexology clinic in Cairo in 2002, wrote sex advice columns in newspapers, appeared on talk shows and answered questions on an Arabic website. She started Big Talk on the independent Egyptian satellite channel El-Mehwar more than two months ago. Much of her advice is straight biology laying out facts rarely aired elsewhere.

Nothing is too sensitive. She discusses sexual positions, female orgasm, oral sex (allowed, “since there is no religious text banning it”), even masturbation (frowned upon but at least preferable to unmarried or adulterous sex, which is haram, meaning forbidden by religion).

(Condensed version from Salon.com)

Q: You are a devout Muslim. Does that conflict with an open discussion of sexuality?

A: Not at all. I don’t find any contradictions between religion and sex. You can’t be a human without being sexual.

Q: Do you think there will ever be a program like yours in the Middle East that discusses sex without a religious context?

A: I don’t think there will ever be a secular show. But I also didn’t mean for "Serious Talk" to be a religious show. It’s a delicate balance.

Q: When did you first have this interest in sexuality?

A: I was a resident at Cairo University hospital and had just had my first daughter. I was also working on my first PhD and reading about sexuality and saying, `Oh my God, I’m a doctor and I have my master’s and I’m married and having children, all this and I am just now learning about human sexuality.’ God gave us the gift of being able to have passionate sex. Unlike other animals, sex is not just a function for procreation.

Q: Does your work as a doctor conflict with your religious beliefs? For instance, you insist that homosexuality is strictly a choice, yet the most recent scientific evidence does not support that conclusion.

A: Being a scientific being I know you can go online and find studies that contradict each other. So the only reliable thing in our life is our religion. Very simply it is God who made us and he’s the one who has the owner’s manual. He couldn’t just make a homosexual and also have all religions telling that homosexuals are going to be punished.

Q: We hear you are in great demand in Cairo as a sex therapist.
A: During the summer I expect I will be working 10 hours a day because Egyptian couples who live elsewhere all come back to Cairo on vacation and want to book a session. You’re talking about 75 million people in Egypt, and I am the only therapist with a degree in clinical sexology. I wish Egypt had millions of therapists, I’d be more relaxed. The only others specialists are gynecologists, and they are only seeing the women.

Q: Could your show have happened anywhere but in Egypt?

A: I’m proud to be Egyptian. We are free to be whether one is religious or non-religious. God’s message is there and people are free to act or not act on it.

Q: Are you recognized now in public because of the show?

A: Always. Just now, in the airport, inside the plane and outside, everyone said hello. All of them say they benefit from the show.


www.elasira.com (Middle East Online)

First online Muslim sex shop launched in Netherlands
Iqbal Tamimi

Webshop targets married Muslim couples as alternative to sites unacceptable in Islam.

Candid but demure, an online sex shop for Muslims has been launched in the Netherlands to tap into a demand for erotica that does not offend Sharia law.

"We had about 70,000 hits in the first four days," founder Abdelaziz Aouragh said of his site that went online last week and claims to be the world's first erotic webshop for Muslims. The 29-year-old Dutch national said it targets married Muslim couples as an alternative to sites "that focus on pornography and the extravagant side of erotica" -- things forbidden in Islam.

The home page of El Asira, which means "Society" in Arabic, is a sober black and grey street with a line down the center, inviting women to enter on the left and men on the right. Once inside, clients can browse in Dutch, Arabic or English through more than a dozen products, mainly massage oils, lubricants and tablets that claim to act as aphrodisiacs.

All ingredients are halal, or "permissible under Islam", said Aouragh, and conspicuously absent are dildos, vibrators and any type of pornography. "Most of the other products out there have pictures of naked people or foul language -- it was very difficult to find ones that I could use in my business," he said. Instead, the website shows only photos of boxes, tablets, tubes and bottles -- mainly in pink or blue with the brand's logo, a black flame. "We have chosen a respectful approach," it says, proclaiming itself "a novelty in the Islamic world".

In one sense, it is also a very Dutch product -- like Aouragh himself. Of Moroccan parentage, he was born and raised in Amsterdam and remains a practicing Muslim while embracing typically Dutch tolerance and search for consensus. He says he, like many, used to think Islam looked upon sexuality as taboo until his friend-turned business partner Stefan Delsink prompted him to look further.

"There is a very stereotypical idea both inside and outside the community on Muslim sexuality," he said.
So Aouragh, who is married, set about consulting Islamic religious leaders and scholars to see what his business venture could sell and to whom. "I have learnt a lot about what Islam says about sexuality, about how important it is to have a healthy sex life," he said.

Muslim clerics like Dutch Imam Abdul Jabbar see no harm in Aouragh's site. "As long as he doesn't sell sex toys or those sorts of things there is no problem," he said, adding: the Prophet Mohammad gave lots of advice about sex in marriage and "there need not be any shame." Aouragh, who also works for a firm that provides assistance to disabled people in public places like airports, contends his website has another goal, amidst tension over Muslims and Muslim immigrants in Europe. In the Netherlands -- where Muslims account for five percent of the 16.5 million population -- strains have continued.

Today, support is growing for the far-right, anti-Islamic Party for Freedom (PVV). Its leader Geert Wilders wants to ban the holy Koran, and wants a tax on wearing head scarves.

"Everybody is talking about Islam in a negative way," said Aouragh. "I am trying to get something
positive out of the dark."

"Muslims also have to deal with stereotypical prejudices by some non-Muslims on the topic of sexuality within the Islam," he said.
"We want to share with other Muslims in a positive way our contribution to a broader view of sexuality and eroticism within the Muslim community," the website says, "for Muslims themselves, as for others."

Not all want to enter the debate. Leyla Cakir, chairwoman of the Dutch Muslim women's organisation
Al Nisa, said: "This is not a topic with which we choose to involve ourselves".



(Ed Note:
Islamic teachings emphasize the importance of marriage and recommend early marriage if feasible. In the sexual arena, Islam as a religion has one of the best system of checks and balances in terms of encouraging Muslims to enjoy sex but within the guidelines of being in
a halal union of husband and wife).

LOVERS know only too well that men usually need a "recovery period" after orgasm, and that sexual intercourse with orgasm is more satisfying than an orgasm from masturbation alone. Now scientists think the two phenomena might be linked. Following orgasm, the hormone prolactin is released into the bloodstream in both men and women. The hormone makes us feel satiated by countering the effect of dopamine, which is released during sexual arousal.

Stuart Brody of the University of Paisley, UK, and Tillmann Krüger of the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology in Zurich, measured blood prolactin levels in male and female volunteers who watched erotic films before engaging in masturbation or sexual intercourse to orgasm in the laboratory. Surprisingly, after orgasm from sexual intercourse, the increase in blood prolactin levels is 400 per cent higher in both sexes compared with after orgasm from masturbation (Biological Psychology, vol 71, p 312).

This explains why orgasm from intercourse is more satisfying than masturbation, says Brody. Since elevated levels of prolactin have been linked to erectile dysfunction, this may also explain why most men need a recovery period after sex.

(Are they too, reading the E-Zine: VOICE OF GLOBAL UMMAH ?)